Sisterhood of Hip Hop | Season 1 Episode 1 | Femme C's | Review | Worst Reality TV show ever! Wack female rappers! - And music from 3 you must hear!
(Photo Source: Sa-roc Instagram!)
Before I say what I have to say about the dumbest show I have ever seen in my entire life.
I wanted to express my general opinion on females who have fooled themselves into thinking that they have the mental capacity to be a good rapper in the first place.
These are merely general statements, stemming from me being a rapper myself. To who I've personally meant, and heard perform. To what I've seen, and what I've been exposed to by the television, internet, radio, print and the music that people have recommended to me. These are my opinions and are about no female rapper in particular, just in general.
Most female rappers suck. Most are unoriginal, and their are 3 main types of female rappers. I will write about that soon, with a detailed explanation of the 3 types and their styles, and purpose!
But I don't have time to get into it here. So, watch out for that one!
With all of that said, this poor excuse for a show called, "Sisterhood of Hip Hop", is a one of the worse things to happen to rap music since someone planted the corrupted seed that white folks should rap too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all white people and all females suck at rapping. But pretty much all of them do. I mean, almost every female, and almost every white rapper I have ever heard sucked at rapping, and should have never even tried to do so!
As far as this show goes. The program follows 5 female rappers. Their names are, Bia, Nyemiah Supreme, Brianna Perry, Siya and Diamond.
The show promotes the myth that the following words describe the cast, "original, defiant, fearless, driven, survivor"!
Not my words, those are the words that flashed on the screen!
None of their music sounded original at all to me. Some of them have bad attitudes so, yeah they are defiant in that sense. As far as fearless goes, most black women are full of fear so, fat chance on that one. They all appear to be driven by the idea of notoriety and success, I will give them that. And finally, as for the word, "survivor", at least one of them is from the projects, so yeah, I guess so.
The show is shot well. The cinematography is good, however, the background music is annoying, and the story lines are beyond boring! For example, Nyemiah Sumpreme's story line is that she is an emotional wreck who lacked support and or guidance growing up. Which is an excuse for her to have a stinking attitude as an adult. So much for the mythological strength of the black woman! I mean, even White Jesus himself can't save her! Oh and did I mention her fear of crying in front of people?
Yeah! She has a fear of people seeing her cry! What a mess! She's lucky she's cute! At least she has that going for her!
Then there's Brianna Perry, her wack story line is in a nutshell, she is a college student juggling her lame pseudo education and her wack rapping career! And to make things complicated, her mother is a manager, yet she drinks on job and essentially does not know what the heck she's doing!
Then, theirs Diamond. She sold millions of records maybe 10 years ago or so before the industry crashed. And she was only able to do so because she was in the industry at the right time and had the right deal. So in other words, she got very lucky. And there's no way in Hell she can sell a million albums right about now!
We also have the curious case of Siya! She's a lesbian who has an extreme case of gender identity disorder, and she has a dangerous, explosive and volatile relationship with her extra bald headed girlfriend! Siya is from New York, her hairless cat is from California, and at the end of the day, she appears to be stuck, stranded, straddled and strapped (on'd) in New York! And if one of them ends up killing the other before the show is done, don't be surprised! These fish are piranhas!
And last but certainly not least is Bia. And I didn't want to say anything bad about her because she's my, "type" *ahem - clears throat* *drinks some water, swallows hard (pause!)* but she sucks! I mean she has no talent whatsoever! Well, I mean she is fine. And she can totally be a model and a damn good one at that! I mean. She could really sell anything! But, her story line goes as follows, she is a struggling wack rapper. Who was so poor she used to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for 2 weeks at a time. To make things more complicated. She has a 13 year old sister that she is deathly afraid is about to turn into a little THOT!
And to be honest with you. Maybe these broads would make it overseas, but as for the American market, they are a group of Iggy Azalea types. Just waiting to flop! They will be lucky if the 5 of them collectively sell 200,000 records combined in their first week sales! And a 40,000 copy average is me being extremely generous! In fact, in my opinion, they are all tax right offs!
And the only one I can foresee having a successful album is possibly Nyemiah Supreme!
She is signed to Timbaland, and that will help. Plus, she is bat shit crazy! And she can possibly pull a hit or two out of all of that pain and mental anguish!
As for the other pretty girl. I don't think that Bia being signed to Pharrell Williams will help! This guy wont be "Happy" until she causes his label to go bankrupt! I mean, pretty girls are expensive! Especially when they have no way on Earth to recoup that money! Then again, she's so hot, that maybe Pharrell has other plans for her! *slurp sound FX* I'm just saying!
Excuse me while I go wipe this drool from my chin! Between Bia and Nyemiah Supreme! YUMMY! Yeah, I'll just leave it at that.
One of the things that separated this show from the other Reality TV. shows about rappers is that, they show this cast rapping more than for example, Love and Hip Hop.
But the issue is that they suck! I mean, I heard all 5 of them rap, and didn't hear anything that sounded remotely good! They all sound like hustlers who are trying to make a buck! And they most definitely do not sound like authentic rappers.
They lack rhythm, they definitely lack lyrics, style, and depth. And to make it worse, they lack passion to boot! I mean, I was left feeling empty, unfulfilled, and ultimately disgusted. Because their were 5 rappers, placed on a television show on the Oxygen Network, and given an opportunity to help change music for the better! And not of them shows much promise at all! They'll probably end up like the Making The Band Cast! In jail for fighting with their significant others, and end up being the butt of jokes!
Now don't get me wrong! I wasn't looking to hear the next Lauryn Hill or anything! I wasn't looking to hear the next Ra Digga either! But this was down right ridiculous! I mean, what was the point of doing a show with 5 chicks with no talent?
In my opinion, the purpose of this show was to promote the homosexual agenda, materialism, and down right stupid female rappers. And I'm not saying that these broads are in fact stupid, however, I am saying that they rap stupidly. Which will lead future female rappers to want to rap like them so they can have a TV. show to showcase their stupid music as well! Or, ignorance breeding ignorance! Because I didn't hear anything that was intelligent at all!. And you might say to yourself, well, he must be looking for something, "positive" and honestly, I'm not!
In fact, I said recently in a review that Nicki Minaj makes ratchet music the right way! Just look at her song Anaconda for example! She wasn't spitting out anything positive, filled with knowledge, thought provoking and intriguing content, and their were not amazing metaphors etc. However, even though the song titled, Anaconda, was a ratchet mess, it was a well done. It was well written for what it was!
However, this show is a bunch of Bull Shit music, from Bull Shit pseudo "musicians"! In fact, this show is a haven for no thotties. Yeah no bodies and thots. the purpose of this show is to aid in the hidden hands agenda to dumb down rap fans! When they heard the Knowledge, Wisdom and Understatement being displayed by the genius's of rap, back in the 80's and the 90's, the industry, so called "Illuminati" said, "no, we can't have this" and set out to promote Bull Shit! And here we are with Sisterhood of Hip Hop! The bastard baby formed by the corrupted music industry, planting a seed in the once fertile womb of my beloved Hip Hop!
Thanks a lot cast for screwing up MY music! Thanks a thot, I mean a lot!
With all of that said!
I have one female rapper who is an honorable mention before I promote 3 female rappers that I co-sign as being actual viable artists that I have huge respect for. My honorable mention is Missy Misdemeanor Elliot's artist and rumored girlfriend, Sharaya J. (Video below)
And the 3 rappers that you must hear are! Nairubi Selah, Aisha Sekmet, and finally, the cutie in the picture above. Sa-roc! =o)
Truly talented Femcees! And they should have been on the show. Because they all have actual talent!
Let me know what you think below and be sure to subscribe to the MEET Magazine YouTube channel!
Big Brother 16 | BB16 | Cast first impressions | initial thoughts | assessments | & opinions before first episode!
(I wrote the following, and posted the video on the day that the show aired! {Wednesday, June 25, 2014} I watched 2 interviews online and I read the casts brief biographies on the CBS website. After that, I typed up a long version and a short version. I never posted either! Here is the short version of what I initially thought about the 16 cast members! I posted the video the night of the first show which is above this text.
Here is a list of the cast members as well as their ages.
Amber Bozorta, 26 years old - Brittany Martinez, 29 years old Caleb Reynolds, 26 years old - Christine Brecht, 23 years old Cody Calafiore, 23 years old - Derrick Levasseur, 30 years old Devin Shepard, 26 years old - Donny Thompson, 42 years old Frankie Grande, 31 years old - Hayden Voss, 21 years old Jocasta Odom, 33 years old - Joey Van Pelt, 27 years old Nicole Franzel, 21 years old - Paola Shea, 27 years old Victoria Rafaeli, 22 years old - Zach Rance, 23 years old
So the show airs tonight, Wednesday, June 25, 2014 at 8pm EST!
I wanted to do my assessment of the good, bad and ugly of the house guests. Based off of watching 2 interviews and reading a short biography at the CBS website. I may be right about somethings and I may be wrong about others. And as the hose guests are evicted, I will do a post eviction video and blog for each of the Cast members. Including the winner and runner up after the game. And at the very end of the game, I will have final thoughts video and blog about what I thought about the season as a whole.
Pretty much what I am going to do here is briefly assess everyone. And then, I'm gonna give everyone a nick name that I think describes them. From my perspective.
Amber
Despite claiming to not be a good liar, I think that she is great at hiding things. She has some secrets that she plans to not tell. I just hope that she's not really a man! Anyway I think that she wants to be a famous, recognized and praised star, but wont admit to it. For whatever reason.
She's very athletic and I think that she's gonna enjoy beating the men at the competitions.
She said that she wants to set an all female alliance up early. I'm predicting on the first show. And she said that a girl needs to win, and she's used to winning. But I can see the women being intimidated by her, because she just might beat Janelle in most competitions won by a female in a single season!
She wants to host on ESPN and she is a total female jock. And I can't wait to see if she knows who Devin is. She probably does. Wont surprise me if she experiences love at first site when meeting Devin. I know that he is going to love her. They're gonna be like Jay z and Beyonce!
She appears to be a genuine, what you see is what get type of person. And, she may be too good to be true! She appears to be a bright girl who is also very pleasing to the eye, she reminds me of Beyonce. Or Romana Valerie Alb!
Anyway, I'm predicting that she is gonna fall in love with Devin when he wont shut up about his daughter. I mean she really means the world to him.
As far as challenges go, I can totally see Amber being like Janelle Pierzina and Rachel Reilly. The guys are not gonna wanna compete with her! She probably beat up boys and broke their arms while arm wrestling with them as a little girl. Then laughed at them as they ran home crying to their mommy!
In addition to being a very athletic lady, I bet she's a freak! I just know that she has naked pictures somewhere! Shes totally the type to let a guy tape it. I bet she's a 50 shades of gray fan and has dressed up as a dominatrix, not just for Halloween either! And bet her stuff is so good that scores of men have proposed to her. Even after the first night!
It wouldn't shock me if she gets down at some point on the show. Or is at least very tempted to.
My nicknames for Amber are Rachelle Pierzina, which is of course a combination of Rachelle Reilly and Janelle Pierzina, and I gave her that name for athletic abilities in the competitions. My other nick name is heart breaker because the men are gonna go ga ga over her!
Brittany
Brittany is an event coordinator who does promotional work for patron, which is an alcohol. Which makes it seem like she parties at work all of the time. And she looks like a party girl. In fact, she was recruited for the show while she was out getting a drink. I think she wants to be famous. And will do annoying things to get attention. I don't trust her and think she will turn her back on her alliance in a second. wouldn't be surprised if shes friends with Grodner.
I am not too fond of her as of now. Maybe I will like her more after watching her on TV. I don't hate her but I definitely don't love her either. She's is in the middle to me so far. I think she gonna love Frankie and Joey, they both have that gay, over the top attention seeking look to them. And she gives me the Adult Film Star vibe. Not sure of she did some amateur stuff in past, but she just gives off that energy.
I think she'll do okay in the challenges. But I don't see her winning too much and don't see her winning the show. I think that people aren't gonna like her very much.
My nickname for Brittany is Skank!
Caleb
Caleb is so dumb that he looks like it hurts to think. He says he's a bigger fan of Duck Dynasty than Big Brother. I think he's gonna love and relate to Donny Thompson. However, Donny is seemingly a much nicer person that Caleb is. So if Donny see's Caleb's dark side, Donny might stray away from him. Which would be a smart thing to do.
Caleb is a player when it comes to the women. So he'll probably try to, "hook up" with some of the girls at some point. But if these women have a little bit of sense and intuition, they will stay away from Caleb. He come across as being an overly aggressive, very pushy, control freak type with a God Complex. I get the total serial killer vibe from him. He actually reminds me a lot of Justin from Season 2. The guy who put the knife to Krista's neck.
Wouldn't be surprised if he's a rapist either! He acts like an alpha male on steroids. And I wouldn't be surprised if he had an ex girlfriend, ahem, disappear. And then got away with it.
My nickname for Caleb is, Caveman.
(Disclaimer: I am not accusing the clown of anything. Just merely stating that I think that he'd possibly do some heinous things.)
Christine
Christine is a a 23 year old nerd who looks ten years older than what she is. She comes across as a master manipulator who practices in the mirror. She is the type of person to get on your good side just to use you for her own selfish desires.
She appears to embrace her nerdiness! Like as if she's adopted the philosophy of, "Since I'm ugly, I'll make the world love me". But I think that deep down inside, she doesn't give a hoot about other people and is in it for herself. She appears to be a down low villain. A villain with high self esteem.
I think that she is a phony person who tells people what she thinks that they want to hear.
I'm betting that she is gonna lose at the competitions. She might win at a puzzle, question and answers game, or a memory game. But as far as physical competitions go. I can see her not being very good at them.
She says that she is gonna miss her husband, but I think she's gonna miss her vibrator much more. I wouldn't be surprised if she is doing this show to win money so that she can divorce him and move on with some male model or something.
I think she tries way too hard to be cool. And appears to have a fake, artificial personality. And she's gonna cry so hard when she has her big break down.
My nick name for Christine is snake in the grass!
Cody
Cody is a salesmen, that works for an entertainment company. He seems dumb, boring, not smart at all! But since he is in great shape, the women will love him! I think he was put there for female ratings. And he's pretty irrelevant! He's the Dominic of this seasons! And I smell BS. when I hear him speak. He's one of my least favorites.
My nick name for Cody is, Mr. Irrelevant.
Derrick
Derrick is a Police Sargent, who wont tell house about his true occupation. He's a professional liar, literally! I hope people don't believe him when he tells a lie about his job! He appears to be bossy, and gives himself too much credit. I wanna see if he will align with Christine, if not they may go after each other. If they combine with Caleb they can be like a super villain team.
I wouldn't be surprised to see him go first. The women wont wanna look at him. He looks like a pig! Not because he's a cop either!
My nick name for Derrick is PIG!
Devin
Devin is a retired baseball player from the St Louis Cardinals and now he works for Harley Davidson, as a Motor Cycles Sales Manager. He has a gay twang to him, had to say that! He says that he's not looking for a showmance, but when he sees amber, that will change.
I think he's too muscular to compete in certain competitions. And his big smile is annoying.
My nickname for Derrick is Shrek. Aka Kurt Cobain. Because his mind is all over the place!
(If you listen to my video from the night the show aired. I kept calling Devin, "David", because he's so irrelevant and forgettable that I honestly butchered his name! Oh well, at least I got the D right and they both two syllables!)
Donny
Donny is a schools groundskeeper, who grew his huge, ugly beard in 8 months! How is that even possible! Anyway! He appears to be a stingy, selfish, self centered twit,who says that he's gonna attempt to manipulate people by making them like him. Hes a schemer, and his annoying personality and jokes will get tiring quickly. And he thinks he is more interesting he is. He may not be as dumb as Devin, but he's still dumb. His personality is bland, and to make it worse, he wears a costume! A silly beard and a hunters t-shirt!This idiot looks like Duck Dynasty reject
My nick name for Donny is, Duck, as in Duck Dynasty
Frankie
Frankie is a YouTube personality, social media personality and an actor. He plans to not tell anyone about famous sister, Pop star and Nickelodeon actress, Ariana Grande! I bet they will figure it out by the second night, probably the first. He's an annoying gay stereotype. I think he will try to be like Brittany Haynes in the diary room, in his videos. Like, a pseudo intellectual and poor comedian. Anyway! He's not going to win, he doesn't have a chance in hell. Frankie and Caleb need to go first.
My nickname for Frankie is Rainbow Dull. Because his hair is colorful and his personality is not.
Hayden
Hayden is pedicab driver who looks and talks like a stoner. He's the mccrae of this season, and Victoria just may be his Amanda. A failed relationship with a fake Jew waiting to happen! as a marathoner, he should do very well in endurance competitions. He appears to be a swindler, who will do anything to win. He appears to be cocky, delusional and will fail miserably at mental challenges
Since he appears to be a stoner. My nickname for Hayden is Sir Smokes A Lot
Jacosta
Jacosta is a minister who wears bow ties. She is the oldest woman in the house and will lose at competitions and will struggle at the game in general. Just like casting wants her to do. She's a super fan, and she wants a female alliance! Yeah, another female calling for a female alliance? Thanks production for planting this seed with the women. You're gonna ruin the show. I just wanna know whether or not that bow tie squirts water. She has almost no eyebrows and looks like a clown. She has an annoying voice and will lose miserably, they don't want anyone brown having a chance of winning this show. They will view her as being a bible thumper, guaranteed.
My nick name for Jacosta is Bible Thumper aka Bible Biter.
Joey
Joey is a make up artist, with the name of a man. She gets along famously well with women and gays and is adamant about not being a lesbian herself. But I am sure that she is mistaken for one all of the time. She reminds me of Lydia from season 10. I think she is a little bit psycho, so I wanna see how fellow psycho Christine will mesh with her. Seeing that Christine is a nerd and Joey is an artsy fartsy person, they should get along well.
I can see Joey being prejudiced and saying stupid things and trying to take them back after she said them.
My nick name for Joey is Lickity Split. Because of her possibly being a lesbian in the making.
Nicole
Nicole is a nurse and a huge Big Brother fan! And when I say a huge fan, I mean that she makes shirts in support of her favorite contestants and alliances. She claims that girls don't like her, and I think that's because she is genuine, for the most part. not perfect, but for the most part genuine and true to who she really is.
She loves Ian from Big Brother 14, so he'll be on the show at some point in the season. (Or at least I think they will bring him back so they can meet) I can see her being a softey and a cry baby, crying with Joey. I am willing to bet money that she sleeps with stuffed animals and she probably feeds ducks at the park. She comes across as being a tender hearted, soft and cuddly person.
I think she should be a veterinarian or a pediatrician. She has that type of vibe to her. In the game, I can unfortunately see her being someone who will be easily influenced by other players and used as a pawn. Nicole has no chance of winning, and should have come to the show possibly when she turns 25, which is in 4 years. I don't think she ready just yet!
My nickname for Nicole is EVOO,! Because I think she might still be a virgin.
Paola
Paola is a DJ from new York, who was born in Connecticut. She's a big breasted Asian woman, and a female DJ, and a Video Game lover, who modeled in Maxim Magazine! So, why she isn't my wife? (Just kidding!) Anyway, she wants a final 4 alliance, named, "El Quattro" which means, "the 4" in Spanish. I can see her and Victoria not liking each other already!
She appears to be very likable, a party starter and a go getter. I think she has the potential of at least making it to the jury. But her personality will keep her from winning the show. I think that she can argue so good she might provoke someone to psychically attack her. She has a mouth on her in more than way i can tell!
My nick name for her is Fire Ball. Shes a little tea spoon of fire!
Victoria
Victoria is a 22 year old who looks like shes 32, and she is a photography business owner. She has a Psychotic look in her eyes, and says she doesn't get along with women too well. She says women are jealous and catty, however, I think it might be her. And Paolo interacting with her along with Nicole, is the one of the things that I cant wait to see play out this season. I think she is gonna like Caleb. She seems like a high maintenance brat!
She comes across as being an immature, bossy little brat that has some growing up to do. She reminds me of Ginamarie, but in a rich version of Ginamarie. Were as Gina was a so called, "hood rat", Victoria is like the suburban Ginamarie. A true mean girl. and she has that cartoonisth, over the top evil vibe to her, with a big wicked witch nose to go with it! I have nicknamed her the Wicked Witch!
I wonder if witch is going to try and get with Cody or Zach!
Because Hayden just may be her McCrae! They are meant to be!
I bet you're thinking that I cant say anything nice about her? Well! She has nice hair....
extensions!
Zach
Zach, is an unemployed prick who is willing to lie, cheat steal and kill for the money. And I believe him! He's a snake, and I wonder which girls he will try to get with (if any) and if they will fall for this self professed, self admitted, con artist.
Could it be Nicole? Or Paola perhaps? Is he gonna smash and dash Victoria?
All I know is he has a love him or hate him personality. And I don't like this clown lmao!
Seeing he is unemployed, and a con artist, my nick name for Zach is the starving con artist!
Okay, so now that I got that out of the way, I just wanted to say this!
Production is really pushing for a female to win this year, possibly to increases their female ratings and fan base. They are really really forcing this whole female alliance thing on us. And seeing that it;'s not organic, it normally wouldn't work under normal circumstances. However, this year they went and got some female hulks. I can totally see several of these women being beasts at the competitions. And the men better watch out this year. They had a gay guy last year win and now it looks like a woman is going to win this year! I just know that it wont be Victoria, the wicked witch. Or Jacosta, the Bible biter!
Basketball Wives LA Season 3 Episode 6 | Review | Recap | Opinion
The episode starts out where we left off last week. Draya and Malaysia are arriving at the Palm Springs house. And the ladies are dressed in tiny little shorts and Reebok's. You know! The old school THOT uniform! Some things never change! Don't get me wrong! I hate the word THOT, OR, "That Hoe Over There".
But Draya is Queen, THOT, Goddess Thot! Empress Thot! Anyway Draya must perform magic shows! Because Harry Thotter, was making her shorts disapear! All the way up her Deep Space ass!
So, they come in the house drunk yet are still drinking! And they're hugging everybody and stumbling around!
And from the beginning of the show, the conversation was good! Malaysia starts calling out Jackie for being the leader of the Jackets Gang! And she said that she's happy that Lil B, AKA Brittish, with 2 T's AKA Chub Rock, didn't show up!
So Jackie asks a drunk Draya, "whats popping ma! Why the long face?"
And Draya tells her the truth, sucking dick elongates the face! So cut a girl some slack!
Then, Sundy told Draya that she looks like she doesn't want to be there. And that she can leave if she's miserable.
And here is where the action begins!
Malaysia has to feed all of that booty meat! So, the pretty girl is eating some delicious fruits! Sundy takes the platter of fruit from Malaysia, because the Chef, presumably Raekwon., did not wash the grapes.
As Sundy is walking towards the kitchen. Draya says that Sundy can get her ratchet ass on.
Now, Sundy didn't even hear draya saying this, Yet Jackie being the sneaky, manipulative snake queen that she is. Freakin' Madam Medusa decided that she was gonna repeat Draya's words to make sure her tiny, little, wannabe thug Sundy, heard it loud and clear!
Now Sundy and Draya start arguing over Draya calling her "ratchet".
When out of no where, Sundy calls Draya "Miami"! Which is Draya's old stripper name!
And of course crazy Jackie pretends to be so surprised to hear Sundy calling her that!
I mean she only told her the day before, that she was going to do so!
Anyway! Sundy said that Draya was begging for tips, crawling on all four. And all she gave that THOT was a smack on the booty!
Then Sundy had the whore-dacity, yes the audacity of a whore, to say that Draya was fucking 2 of her friends in a Limo! Getting Shish kabobed!! And Draya threw out a crazy ho-ism saying. She was, like "Mama always said, if you stick your face in the hornets nest, you're gonna get stung from every direction!, So I stuck my whole body in it!"
WHORE!
Then, Draya told Sundy that no one is claiming her baby, in other words, your child is a bastard!
And she needs to take her ghetto baby doll looking ass home and figure out who her babies daddy is!
Then the conversation went to Hell! It really got so much worse! Sundy went in on Draya's fruity son! She pretty much called the boy a flaming faggot!
She said that while her own children, (you know, her penis sucking daughter and her son who has a tattoo on his throat) go to private school. Drayas faggot son plays with privates!
Then Sundy AKA Mr's accordion neck, told draya that she needs to introduce him to something other than her looks!
Because the little boy is obviously gonna grow up to have an asshole so big , when he farts it sounds like a tug boat! Because he wants to dress up as Peter pansy (Peter Pan) every Halloween. And he and was walking in heels, when he was in his walker!
And his first food was lipstick. and his first word was, "balls"!
She then went on to say that if Draya wants the drama. I mean, if she's feeling froggy. Then leap!
Just like her gay son leaps on dicks!
And Draya sure did flap her damn wings and hover over that sofa! These hoes started Kung Fu fighting! *Hu!* And it looked like a scene from that movie, The Birds!
They were scratching and squawking and their feathers were everywhere! Somebody should have distracted Draya by throwing a worm in her beak! And when I say worm, I mean PENIS!
Draya, who looks like Olive Oil. Must have been eating her Spinach! Because she gave Sundy a Pop eye!
She gave her more hits than a Black Eyed Peas concert! Come to think about it.
It sounded like a Black Eyed Pears Concert!
Because Sundy told Draya, "Let's get it started in here!" Draya hit Sundy with the "Boom Boom Pow!" and Sundy held her eye and said, "My Humps"! And everybody started singing "Where is the love"?"
Anyway! After production breaks up the bird fight.
Jackie starts pretending to not know what the hell is going on. And shes questioning Draya about it! Allegedly, Jackie was distracted. You see, she was multi tasking. She was eating an orange and cleaning the dirt from between the roles in her neck!
Draya tells Jackie that her gay son is a sensitive subject! You see, one time she caught him eating spaghetti and Pete's balls! Yes, not meat balls, but Pete's balls!
Anyway Draya starts screaming to Jackie that she's, "tired of the shit!" Jackie thought she was talking about defending herself and the fact that she is a mega slut. But nah! She was talking about being tired of the whorrors (horrors) of anal sex! Her past as anal hooker, has her shorts crawling all up in her ass!
And Jackie was like, "Damn girl! I thought that I had problems!
So, out of no where. Schizophrenic Jackie starts crying about her daughter hating her.
Which made Malaysia cry. And just like Draya's worn out asshole, this scene is a mess!
These girls need Jesus! And Draya needs a diaper!
But, I got the greatest laugh ever from watching this scene! Psycho Jackie was on a role with her deflecting, self pitying speech about her daughter when, she out of no where told the biggest lie of all time! She said that Draya is a, "great mother"!
Then she freaked out when she realized that she's going to Hell for lying like that! So she told Malaysia to talk to Draya. Then she ran out of the room to go find Sundy. And here is where the episode got ugly! And very disturbing.
At first Sundy is brushing her hair in the mirror and talking about fighting with draya again. She wants a rematch!
But she needs to stop while she's behind. You see, Sundy is standing up there looking like a panda,. Because she has 1 black eye.
Jackie is so disgusted by Sundys eye that she sat down because the sight of her eye nearly made her pass out. She, then proceeded to hold her own eye. And began begging for forgiveness from White Jesus!
Jackie first covered her eyes, then her mouth, then her ears, see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil! LMAO! Yeah Jackie! That's gonna work!
So, Jackie tells Sundy that maybe she should leave the show! You know so her man can buy her a bag!
And Sundy was like, "Aint nobody thinking about shopping for a Ver-saki (versace) bag!
Jackie was like, "no bish! I'm talking a bag of ice! Your leye looks like a vagina after a gang bang movie!"
Sundy tried to play it off big time! She was like, "Oh! It's cool! I had an Eye appointment anyway!"
And Jacke was like.
"Baby! You don't need an eye doctor, you need a surgeon! But if Jesus can turn water to wine. I am sure that the Dr.s can pop your hanging, dangling eye back in your head! Even if you do look like a paddle ball!"
So Jackie comes back to where Draya and Malaysia are in the living room area.
Everyone is crying, and there's so much estrogen in this scene, I started growing breast! And yes! I can suck my own tittie!
"Put it in a video!" - G Dep lyric!
So Draya tells Jackie that if she was a real friend she wouldn't have told her about Chantel sucking Orlando off in front of the world. She would have pulled her to the side like a decent human being!
Then she jumped up, yanked her shorts out of that open tunnel of an ass and said, I gotta tell you something privately! And they ran off....
And I'm left thinking. Man, them shorts stay coming for the crack, like Whitney Houston!
We'll get back to that in a minute. First we have to see what Brittish is up to!
In the next scene, Brittish is talking with Lorenzo on webcam.
Come to find out, Lorenzo didn't sign the official deal to play basketball in Germany. He went to practice and their was nothing but young players there. The coach greeted him with a, "dry hi". Or as white folks would say, "a hello with no enthusiasm"!
And just like his fat girlfriend Brittish, Lorenzo hates dry Hi's!
So he started fighting with he coach! And got himself kicked off of the team.
Of course he made it seem as if it was his decision to leave.
In reality, he was escorted out of the locker room butt naked, beaten and deported!
So he will be home the next day from Germany.
Now we're back at the house, and draya is still pulling her shorts out of her ass!
She's really regretting all of that anal sex that she had in her younger more productive years as a whore Lord! Yes! A whore warlord! In fact, in that movie 300, when dude kicked home boy in that hole, yelling THIS IS SPARTA!! That hole was rumored to be Draya's ass!
Anyway! Draya pulled Jackie to the side to talk with her. She said that she's still upset with her sponsor, Orlando. For lying to her about talking to and meeting with Jackie's daughter, Chantel!
And the story goes as follows. According to Orlando's story to Draya!
Allegedly, Orlando was hooked up with Chantel through a friend from college, they talked by sending text messages for maybe 2 or 3 days. She came to his house and when he meant her in person. She looked nothing like her pictures!
He should have known something was wrong when she only sent a shot of her face! No body! Fat bitch style!
Anyway! Chantel is allgedly not a hoe because she "only" slept with 2 people in her very short life time!
Hoes nowadays! I swear to fucking God! Only 2 people?
And she's what 20? I guess when she is 40 she will be saying "only" 40 people have occupied this space!
Anyway! Orlando wasn't feeling the fat girl and he passed up on it.
But, she was invited to his friends party. She flew herself to Seattle. And when she got there, she slept with his friend, not with Orlando, just his friend!
And you know what? Remember when Jackie showed Draya those texts messages from Orlando in the third episode? All that this proves is that Chantel saves her text messages for over 6 months! And you see why I don't text with bitches like that? Looks like Chantel and her mammy are home wrecking harlots! With old necks!
I swear man! Bitches will abort a baby and save a text in a second!
My my my! How women's priorities have changed! It's a Brave New World!
Anyway, Draya feels that Sundy is judging her about being a slut, a bad mother, a bad wiper after taking number 2's and all of her other bad qualities.
So Jackie calls Sundy to come and talk with them. And Sundy comes in the room with a drink in her hand. And bam! She throws it right into the center of Draya's face!
The only reason Sundy had such a good aim is because, just like shooting, when you aim, you keep one eye closed! And Sundy is looking like her name should be Eye's Wide Shut!
That eye is bigger and redder than Clifford the dog!
So Draya jumps up, and after a quick little scuffle. Malaysia and Draya are drying Draya's face off together. And I'm left thinking. If this was the lesbian orgy that it should have been. None of this would have happened! They should have been fisting vagina's instead of each other faces!
In the next scene, Brittish is on the phone with her sister Brianna and she has on a tacky black hat with little pieces of aluminum foil on it. I bet there's Hershey Kisses in there! Must be snack time for the Chubby chick!
So, Lorenzo shows up. And he said that the German team wanted him to play center, but he plays forward. Yada yada yada! Blah blah blah! So!
Lorenzo is gonna get together with Doug again, work out, and lose some of that fat! And he might go on The Biggest Loser to make some money seeing that he aint got no job right about now!
Now we're back at the house with the girls!
Sundy is outside talking with Jackie, about how this is the first time a member of the Jackets Gang got their ass whooped! So they are both shocked! All of them Black Belts in Cunt-rate! (Cunt Karate)
And she still couldn't choke the chicken. And when I say "chicken", I'm talking about Draya!
Jackie wants the pigeons to talk their problems out.
They go back into the house so that Sundy can get her bathing suit.
Draya is making fun of Sundy calling her names, and she has the other girls cracking up laughing! She's saying stuff like. "Why is her name Sundy? With that black eye, she needs to change her name to Eclipse!"
Then Malaysia said, "at least she'll never have to buy eye shadow again!"
Brandi said, "Wait! When she walks by again somebody ask her. How many fingers am I holding up?"
After some more lewd and uncalled for jokes. Draya ape is eating a banana looking like an albino monkey!
And the other girls are giving her that look like, "Girl! You stay putting bananas in your mouth!"
Now Draya, Malaysia, Jackie and Eclipse, aka Sundy are all out by the pool.
They're trying to figure out whose wrong in this situation. And Draya hit the nail on the head! She's doing all type of hitting this episode, I swear! Anyway, Floyd Drayweather said that they are both at fault.
At first Jackie blames fine ass Malaysia for laughing.
Then Jackie blames that fine ass Brandi for not breaking up the fight because she's wearing a striped referee dress. And she said that Brandi was texting Ray-J at the time. And trying to be funny by playing, "I hit it first" on her Iphone when the fight was going on! Then she blamed Sundy for yelling, "World Star!" Until she realized that it was her getting the knocked the fuck out!
After a little laughter. Sundy announces that she is going to be getting in the pool soon.
Draya gets up to go get a drink and those poor shorts must look like a full diaper in the inside. Because they found their way up her ass again!
Draya comes back with 2 drinks! One for her and 1 for Sundy! And she sniffs Sundys drink before giving it to her! After a quicky sniff, *sniff* she pulled her head away from it fast! Yep, she pissed in it!
And then, of course Draya had to yank out another wedgie!
Jackie, sits her old barbecued rib looking neck ass up there and asks the girls about playing Spin the Bottle! Draya says that she doesn't play Spin the Bottle. But she can recycle a bottle with her vagina. so Jackie says, "baby, we'll do that another time!"
And Draya tells Jackie that she is a poor sport and a fake lesbian!
Brandi asked Jackie if her and Doug have ever had threesomes and she said no, but they have thought about doing it with Brandi, and they were thinking about recruiting Malaysia.
And with that said, this is what I was saying in my previous reviews. Jackie and her Husband Doug are some swinging, sex party throwing, orgy loving freaks! She probably thought that she was about to get her cat cooked that night. But a fight happened instead! I bet she slept on that big bed with Sundy though!
Anyway! Malaysia Airplane fly's away when she finds out that rubber neck and her bald headed husband wanted to smash! Oh well! She can always continue to try to smooth over Brittish!
Anyway! Sundy, AKA Shadow Eye hops in the pool!
Draya's all like, Sundy is too old to be running around hopping in pools like young slut. She might break something!
Then, Sundy strips off her clothing and gets bucked naked! And when she threw her bra at Draya, Bird Girl almost flew over there and ate her out! Yeah! They want each other! You can see it in all 3 eyes of these girls eyes.
So Sundy gets her cute self in the pool and Jackie was looking at her like her ass was a juicy steak!
When Sundy gets out of the pool, Draya smacks the booty and tries to rip the towel off of her! But she's too drunk to get a good grip! Jackie on the other hand isn't so tipsy! So she pulled the towel And now Sundy's nickname is officially, Full Moon! Anyway, she ran into the house naked!
Jackie says "let's go" eat, and then the rest of the lesbians in training go inside.
While in the house. Jackie asks whether or not the ladies miss Brittish.
And they all say, "hell no, fuck that fat bitch!" And start talking about her feet stinking and all sorts of other things that I wont mention!
Sundy asked Draya if she is mad and Draya said, "Looky here Illuminati! Keep my gay sons name out of your mouth! Before I take a shot at your good eye and smash your eye ball to an eye blob! I would hit your bad eye right now but I don't wanna get pink eye! That shit looks contagious!" *WOOF!*"
"Besides! How are you gonna be one to talk when your daughter was roaming the streets as a runaway, hungry, with nothing to eat but dicks and peppermint sticks! And her Sex Tape is gonna be titled, "I did porn because, Mama only kept 1 eye on me!"
Sundy whose sitting up there looking like a battered woman is through with getting her butt whooped! Now, instead of them fighting, she would like to work with Draya!
Who would thunk it?
And I guess her aspirin wore off because, Sundy started crying! And yes, out of both eyes!
And I start lactating! This is just too much estrogen for me!
But two face, I mean Sundy! Brought up a great point when she said that bitches like them need to grow up and calm the fuck down. Becomes their bones are too old to be fighting,
But it's their fault for signing up for a stupid reality tv show where they knew that someone would lose an eye. She just didn't know that it would be her. And she should have never laughed at all of those other people she watched on television while screaming, "That will never be me! HA HA HA!" And her favorite line, "I wish a bitch would!"
Well, a bitch did!
So, it's the next day. and the women are in a sitting area.
Draya didn't sleep well with her broken fist! She has been up since 5AM! Yes! Rooster time! She was waking the other women up with her Cocka Doo Doo Doo calls! Not just because she looks like a rooster. But because she misses all of that life altering, butt hole damaging, anal sex! Cocka Doo Doo Doo!
Nasty Whore!
Anyway, that quick little fight allegedly made Draya's whole body hurt.
And I'm left asking myself this! She can famously do triple anal, yes take 3 dicks in the butt at the same damn time. Yet punching some bitch who looks like a squirrel, with a telephone cord neck, hurts her body all over?
I'm calling bull shit!
Sundy walks into the room with eye looking like an 8 ball!
And Draya is still bragging about it! So, Apparently, neglecting her fruity son and Worshiping the penis aren't the only things Draya is great at! She can also brag about beating up an "old woman!"
Hey! Draya called her old, not me!
Malaysia figured that without Brittish being there. Their wouldn't be any beef. Then she said that Sundy needs to watch her mouth, with her good eye of course!
Draya said that Sundy needs to stop saying what she thinks. Keep her comments to herself. Because she will, "pluck your good eye out, play ping pong with it. Then everybody is gonna call you Sun -Ray Charles! Aight? (Alright)"
Sundy feels like this, we can be cool or not, who cares?
And with that said, Draya hops up looking like a million monopoly dollars, and says "deuces"
and by deuces, iI mean 2 middle fingers! So, she gets her sexy self up and leaves!
Jackie is still riding with the Jackets. She says that Draya is playing the blame game and this fiasco is Draya's fault!
Umm, yeah sure Jackie! You just blamed Malaysia and Brandi last night!
You're a master at deflection!
Anyway! Brandi come to find out is not friends with Draya. They are just acquaintances!
You gotta earn Brandi's freindship, if she's gonna be down with you! But we'll find out more about that next week.
And that was pretty much it for this episode!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment
below
and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more Reality TV. news, reviews, recaps, and
opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle
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Love and Hip Hop ATLANTA - Season 3 Pre ROAST! Unreleased Season 2 Reunion - Review, Recap, Opinion
Warning, if you are sensitive to Rat roasting, do not read on! Readers discretion is strongly advised!
I was gonna review the Reunion show of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta Season 2, however, my review turned into a massacre! I couldn't finish reviewing the show because I was seeing red! I decided to just go off in general. I wrote, saved and never published nor made a video for the following entry back in August of 2013.
I had to stop myself because the second Season of Love of Atlanta bored me to ad nauseum!
Joseline's accent and just, everything about the show was friggin ridiculous!
Now remember, this has been minimally edited. And it is a short, unfinished entry.
Before I even get into this. I tried to do reviews and recaps of
the individual episodes. But I was just too bored by the show to do it.
Let me take a crack at this!
Excuse me if I come across as grumpy. But
the phoniness and nastiness of these, "ratchet", people disturbs me!
This is what I wrote!
___________________________________________________________
So, the minstrel show begins, and after an introduction to all of these irrelevant nobodies. We learn that Rasheeda and and her cone headed husband, Kirk are having a little boy. Named Carter Frost. And I thought to myself, "wait a minute, isn't a cart of frost an ice cream truck?"
Random thought, I know!
Anyway!
Oprah Winfart, I mean Mona Scott, asks pretentious gold digger, Oluremi Fela Faust aka Mimi about her new breast implants. I saw what she looked like before the operation. And to be honest, I wasn't impressed at all. Not even a little tit! I mean a little bit! Anyway, she asks Mimi about her boobs and an argument ensued between Mimi and Joseline, who I affectionately refer to as GonorrRhianna! Because she looks like Rhianna and Gonorrhea blended together!
They were calling each other all kinds of nasty names. And you know what though? Mimi isn't shit but old trash, in a plastic Louis Vuitton bag. This chick is like almost half way through her forties, doing young dumb bitch shit.
Why?
Because she's stupid! She wants to be a God damned Bourgeoisie, hood rat.
She wants a "bad bitch" lifestyle and reputation, while living it up! She wants it all! But she's not really about that life. She's fart in a can! Because she's faking the funk!
The only reason why all of Mimi's friends appear to be humungous pieces of shit is because. Mimi is like, that girl who picks really shitty men to be in a relationship with on purpose! You know, so people will say, "you can do better Mimi". In other words, as long as Mimi isn't, or doesn't appear to be the biggest piece of shit in the room, then she's good!
Fucking starving con artist! You're not fooling anybody! HA HA!
Her name is Mimi right? How fucking ironic! In her mind the world revolves around her twice. Therefore her name is ME ME!
It's all about her!
Moving along!
There's main chicks, side chicks and then, theirs Traci's! And that's the chick that the guy doesn't even want at all! Not because you're a "strong black", cup of coffee! Not because of your education, your wealth, or success. No! Because of your negative qualities. Such as but not limited to. Snide remarks out of jealousy and ignorance towards women that you don't even know. And your magnetism to all things inferior.
Traci being known for saying, "popcorn hoes" is like Beyonce's entry in the dictionary for the word, "bootylicious". It's sad! And as a mother and a woman of melanin. Please grow the fuck up!
But back to Mimi! Mimi is like Christmas shopping at the dollar store. You're just doing what you gotta do until you can do better.
As a matter of fact. Mimi needs to take a yoga class. So she can pull her legs over her head and get over herself.
Champagne taste with a kool aid face bitch! She really thinks that she is so much better than everybody!I can't stand MimI!
_________________________________________________________________________
And yeah. I had to stop it there before someone shoots at me!
As you can see, the show pissed me off so badly that I turned green! And at this point I was trying to watch what I say on video.
This was right before I became the monster of a reviewer that I am! HA HA HA HA HA!
Now it's gloves off and no holds bar, UFC style reviews!
Season 3 of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta is coming. And I'm coming on it!
Yeah! I'm gonna bust nuts in the faces of your favorite cast members! Better have towel a Joseline! I heard you say in your Breakfast Club interview that you don't swallow! No wonder you're so unhappy! A little vitamin C never hurt anybody! And when I say Vitamin C. I mean Vitamin Cum!
So hinge your Jaw back Joseline! I'm about to blow... all down your throat!
I'll see you next Season for the next review! Today is March 20, 2014. So, I wrote that unfinished review about 7 months ago! So don't judge me!
Don't forget to comment
below
and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more celebrity, and Reality TV. news, reviews, recaps, and
opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle
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Basketball Wives | LA | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Review | Recap | Opinion
The episode starts out with Jackie and Brittish, and the're looking at an office space for loveoflabels.com
You know, Brittish's crappy website?
With a F rating from the Better Business Bureau!
And just like Draya's Vagina, it's a shared space! You see, that office is one of those buildings where your business rents a tiny space, and others businesses rent right next to you! And you're all up in each others business and personal space. It's like working in a cubicle, but with 1 wall instead of 3! Around a bunch of strangers!
And homeless flashers!
It's actually less of an office space and more of an off space. As in off in a corner somewhere!
Man, Brittish does everything low budget!
The 3 best parts of this scene are #1 When Jackie said that Brittish wouldn't want to hire B.A.M.! Brandi and Ariane and Malaysia to work for her scammy company. Because Jackies old gang, "The Jackets" weren't representing that flag right! And when I say, "flag". I mean their trusty symbol. The blood soaked tampon! BANG BANG!
Jackie had to kick those 3 Bandita's out for not following protocol! So she gave them a bad recommendation!
#2
Brittish said that Malaysia isn't all of that pretty and her body isn't all of that great either! LMAO! And this came out of the mouth of a chick that looks like Barney the dinosaur! Literally. That Tyranna whoress-rex need to find a cliff and take a seat.
#3
And possibly the craziest thing anybody said this whole show was thrown out in scene one! Jackie said that Draya's vagina is like an empty soda can. It's been reduced, reused and recycled. And Crushed! And at the end of the day, it's only worth 5 cents! *SPITS OUT WATER*
And to make matters worse! She said, "you cant make a Draya a house wife!"
And when I say a Draya, yes I mean a hoe! And yes she really said that!
Now we're catching up with Draya, and Malaysia at Slim Wrap! The Wrap That Works! And Draya is dressed up as a cummy, a cum covered mummy! I wonder if they warned miss Bukkake that if you get covered with man milk then wrap yourself in bandages you'll never get them off! Without losing all of your skin! But I'm sure a rich man has a fetish for that too!
Any who! Malaysia looks yummy because she's so delicious! Boy I'd stick my cock in her pit and smash Malaysia like flight MH370!
So, Draya didn't go to Jackies homo event because Jackie pissed her off! And Draya prefers to be pissed on! She said Jackie needs to get better aim when squatting!
And with that said. I was wondering why they were talking like they don't have good sense. Then I realized something! They're Dehydrated from being in bandages while working out on those stupid Ellipticals.
I knew the conversation between these birds went south with when Malaysia was like, "Girl! You look like a Kemetic, Egyptian queen, with your breast out, and being all mummified like that!"
Draya was like, "Which Egyptian queen do I look like?".
Malaysia said, "Queen Nefer-titty!"
In our next scene Malaysia is visiting Brandi And come to find out, they've known each other since Brandi was balled headed as a fuck, and dying from cancer. So, they're reminiscing about when Brandi was sick. And she had this one doctor who would always make her laugh. He would tell really lewd jokes and make fun of her cancer and call her racist names.
Some of his favorites were. Erykah Bald do! Shaolin Monkey, oh and of course
Sinead O'Colored.
You know? Anything to make a bald headed black woman smile! He had a fetish for the brownies so. He told Brandi about some fucked up fantasy about wanting to ejaculate on her head when...
Malaysia stopped her from talking and said, "Girl! That's T.M.I.!"
And Brandi is like, "Girl! I hate their news stories!"
And Malaysia is like, "Bitch, that's TMZ! T.M.I. means Too Much Information!"
And then Brandi was like, "Girl, I thought 411 information was long gone! We have Google nowadays!"
Then Malaysia said, "Girl, bye!"
Now Jackie is meeting up with her Illuminati connection.
Because she wants to sell her own brand of Cognac. So, she brought Sundy with her to tag along and learn how to be a true member of the Jackets Gang! Mmm, Hmm Sundy is a 1st degree Jacket! I heard their secret password is "Turkey Neck!"
Come to find out, the dude from the Cognac business is named Hakop Bislamyan! At first, I thought that he was the dude that took down the Twin Towers. Then I looked his name up on the, "MEET Magazine Language Translator"™ and it's Persian or Iranian, not Iraqi! . The English Translation for Hakop Bislamyan is, "When black people get the hiccups, the only thing that can stop it is candied yams" And I was like, cool! Now that's an awesome name! He must not be a racist!
If we had any doubts that Sundy is a hood rat. The Goddess of Ghetto did not disappoint us in this scene!
The hood came out when Sundy asked this question. She asked Hiccup, what Cognac was!
Or in her ghetto language, she pronounced Cognac (Con Yak) as Con Jack!
Hikap *Hiccup* said that Cognac is in the Brandy family!
And Sundy replied, "Ray-J better".
So Hiccup was like, *Hiccup* what do you mean?"
And Jackie was like, "No Sundy, Brandy is an Alcohol!"
And Sundy was like, "I bet you wouldn't call Brandy a Alcohol to her face! Especially if she's driving at you!"
SWERVE!
So, they had a taste test of different Cognac blends or whatever. Wait! Did I say taste test? They had a drinking contest! I don't know what Hikap *Hiccup* was thinking giving free liquor to hood rats.
Because these chikas were skunk as a drunk! I mean, drunk as a skunk!
I'm talking tipsy as a 3 legged table, with Brittish dancing on it!
When they were done the were walking as wobbly as Draya leaving a locker room!
So they have to come up with a catchy name for Jackies new drink. And drunk Sundy was throwing out some of the dumbest shit like, LL Cool Jack! And ConJacky Chan and KanJack West! And Jackies and *Hiccup*, almost had a Kevin Hart-aJack (Heart-Attack)
"You gon learn today!"
Now we're with Lorenzo and Brittish. And Lorenzo is at beating his meat so hard, the juice from his balls is squirting out of his asshole! And Brittish walks up and catches him!
So, Lorenzo closes his bubble butt porn on his laptop!
And his agent, Micheal Hart must be psychic! He always knows when Lorenzo is looking at porn and when he calls, he always uses the same lame joke. So, Lorenzo answers the phone and Micheal's like! "What are you doing Lorenzo? Beating around the bush" Ha ha ha! Wooo! Get it? Because Lorenzo was just beating around the bush! See, he was masturbating, and he doesn't shave down there so. HA HA! HA! Yeah! Michael Hart should leave comedy alone and just be an agent!
Anyway! Lorenzo is determined to make this Basket Ball money! Even if he has to leave the country again! Or as half breed Draya would say, "Sometimes you gotta do, what you gotta do. Even if you were born a half a Jew! In other words. No one get s a free ride!"
And when I say ride, I mean riding the penis! Draya's motto since she start hooking was, "There's no animal shelter between these thighs! You gotta pay for this pussy!"
So Brandi and Malaysia get together, and they looking amazing! Their hair is looking magnificent. Outfits looking cute. In fact, Brandi's is dress is so nice that if I saw her person wearing that dress, I'd act like a cop at Barney's in Jew York City, and ask her if it's stolen! And yes, because she's black! Then I'd stop and frisk her!
Anyways! The pretty girls are going to BESO! Which is the Spanish word for "Kiss!"
And boy would I love to Beso Draya's cola!
So, Sundy, left early from her job, and judging by her outfit and height. She must be a Horse Jockey! Any who, she came to talk with the Weave Tang Clan!
Brandi said that she comes across as a Bourgeois bitch! But she's not! She's just a regular BETA bitch!
And Sundy, the alpha Bitch invites the girls to go race car driving. Because she knows a guy in the mob that can rig the car to detonate on ignition!
But they know how Philly bitches get down! So, they didn't fall for that Jawn!
And to no ones surprise Malaysia is not feeling Brittish! And no! I don't mean that she has disdain for the chubby girl Brittish! When I say she aint feeling Britihs, I mean she isn't speaking in her British accent this episode. And she didn't even eat her English muffin for breakfast either!
Now we're visiting the Lexington Social House, with Brandi and Jason Maxiell.
He's going away to play Black ball. But Brandi's creepy, perverted, serial killer looking white Dr. will be around to take GOOD care of her!
And when they were at the OBGYN, Jason was given porn to masturbate to. So that he could produce some sperm samples. Brandi said that he was looking at the pictures that she gave to him, of herself instead of watching the porn!
Nah Brandi! He wasn't looking at you.
He was looking at Draya! Like the rest of us! Light skin for the win!
Now we're with Brittish and Lorenzo.
And Lorenzo is leaving to go play Black ball, just like Jason. But Brittish is staying behind.
So, Lorenzo's agent calls again! And this time he has good news and bad news.
The good news is, he has a contract to play in Europe. The bad news is, he needs him to leave tomorrow! And as expected Brittish doesn't want that L.I.P. to go away! You know L.I.P. Live In Penis!
And Lorenzo is dumb as fuck, he is trying to say to his wife. Everything will be fine, it's gonna be okay and he mumbles and stumbles just saying that! I'm now completely sure that he lied and he doesn't play basketball and plays football instead! You know in Europe they call it Rugby, and they don't wear helmets! Explains everything!
Now, Brandi, Malaysia and Draya, aka the pretty girls are shopping at Satine.
Draya says that she is done with Jackie. And she doesn't want to get into a fight with Brittish and mess up all of that pretty! Brandi says that the only remaining real issue between the ladies is the one between Draya and Jackie! And the Jackets gang, "The Jackets", has officially disbanded! Except Sundy and Brittish.
But it's all good. Because Brittish isn't even invited!
Draya brought up a great point! Those bitches got their name, "The Jackets," because just like O Shit's baby mother, on Black Ink Crew. They like to throw jackets on bitches heads, then beat them when they can't see! They said it's, "exciting",
In fact, it's just like fucking a blind chick! She can't see you coming! Literally and figuratively!
Damn you Draya for judging other peoples fetishes!
Brandi is like, let's just give them one more chance. And Draya's all like, "Ain't no body trying to listen to Biggie right now!" Brandi was confused, so, Malaysia told her, that Draya must still be hallucinating from the mummy wrap! And Brandy is so dumb she's like "You never told me your mom used to be a rapper!"
*SCOFFS* These bitches are so dumb!
Now Jackie and Sundy are chilling by the pool, with Brandi. And for whatever reason, Sundy is sitting up there looking like an elderly homeless smurf. I swear, she must shop at thrift shops. And I'm talking the Ill Will, not the Good Will!
Sundy told Jackie that they don't need to invite Brittish on their trip to Palm Springs California.
Because they're gonna be staying in same house and hanging out with each other. And tickling each other in bath suits, like girls do at times like these! And Sundy just wants some girl booty without the drama!
Smart girl!
Jackie wants Brittish to come because, she is her second chance at having a daughter! Seeing that the other one hates her and is always sucking off 5 basketball player penis's at the same damn time. When she isn't washing strangers dishes. Or recording albums and writing books for her 1 and only fan.
Helen Keller!
And she's BDD!
Blind, deaf and dumb? Nope! Blind, Deaf and Dead!
Come to find out. Chantel saw only one album sale. And that's because she went fishing and left it on the boat! Excuse me! One album sailing! There's a difference!
Anyway! Brandi told Jackie that it's okay for her to talk with Draya, but on the side. Not in front of everybody! Like she did last time!
Then, Brandi said that if Jackie reveals potentially damaging, and sensitive information about her in front of everybody like she did to to Draya. They wont be cool anymore!
Then, Brandi told Sundy to sit out of it and chill!
And man! She's so level headed! I love it! I've been a Brandi fan from the moment that I saw her. I fucks with Brandi! All jokes aside, I love Brandi! As of right now, she's my fave!
So, Sundy says she has no beef with Draya. She has an issue with her. She doesn't say what the issue is. But she goes into a long explaining about what beef is! She's talking about kicking in doors and shooting babies in the head and shit. I'm looking at my TV. like, "Damn Sundy is an evil bitch!"
Anyway, Jackie said that the Jackets are gon jump Draya, so Brandi better just worry about herself and Malaysia because, Draya ain't even friend with her like that so. So, mind your business, basically! They are planning to provoke her so that they can fight.
The Jackets new mantra is, "Light skin, must not win!"
So, Draya and Malaysia show up. And their both wearing Daisy Dukes! And Draya has been so friendly with offering up anal sex to the world, her shorts wont stay out of her booty! She had to play tug a war to get the denim out of her ass! Funny thing about it, Draya is so hot, she even makes picking wedgies look sexy!
Chicken! It's what's for dinner!
And that was pretty much it for this episode!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment below and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more Reality TV. news, reviews, recaps, and opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle Plus, MySpace, or 2 cans with a string in the middle! Or even Telepathically! (ILLUMINATI!) In other words, tell a fucking friend!https://www.youtube.com/user/meetmagazineviews/videos
Blood Sweat and Heels | Season 1 | Episode 9 | FINALE | Heels on the Hudson | Review | Recap | Opinion
After some clips from earlier episodes in the series. The episode starts out at
with Mica and a very fat woman, Her miracle worker, I mean, make up artist, Patrece. The two are meeting up with Mica's slutty models!
The Skeletons are doing a photo shoot. And the first one is Courtney! A white woman so flat chested that she tries to be funny and cover her little nuggets. One hand on each boobie! All she needed was a rubber band!
She can wear an eye patch as a bra! She said that she once went to the store and they handed her an A cup and she said, "actually I wear an A spoon! Skank you very much"
I mean, if Melyssa's cup runnith' over in her brassier and she has a gulp of breast, Courtney has a sip of titty!
I mean her breasts are so small, when she went to get a mammogram, the Dr. checked for an Adam's Apple! She's so skinny, when she rubs her hands together, it sounds like bubble wrap popping! She's so skinny, when she goes to the beach they say forget skinny dipping. Let's go Courtney dipping!
Nah, I'm just joking! The fat bitches who watch my YouTube videos wish they looked like Courtney! HA HA!
In our next scene Melyssa is showing Lance, a potential client a nice apartment! And she is looking quite bootylicious in a tight white dress!
The rent for the place is $27,000 and her commission works like this. $27,000 Multiplied by 12 months, for a 1 year contract equals, $324,000, divided by 15% equals $48,600 dollars!
Man! I wish I would have gotten into Real Estate years ago! Oh well! Melyssa would be a great teacher! I guess I'll have to ass, I mean ask her! For some lessons or something!
Anyway! Melyssa is working on commissions only. And the client appears to be more concerned with her tight white dress and big sexy biracial booty than the apartment!
He ends up leaving empty handed. Well, except for his parting gift! Some hair in a can! After a quick Masonic hand shake. Captain comb over leaves and goes home to masturbate and think about what he just saw!
Now we're at Mica's apartment in Harlem when her gay boyfriend walks in.
And we're at Daisy's and Geneva's houses too. We're jumping back and forth between the places. And the ladies are reading their invitations to the boat party
Mica said that she used to running from her problems. And being on a boat with them is gonna be odd because, her skinny ass can't swim that damn good! Terry is very supportive of her! He told her that as skinny as she is, she'll be fine! Pirates love skulls and bones!
Now we're with Demetria and she's doing a photo shoot for her second book. Which is titled. "Don't Waste Your Pretty". Judging by her looks, she needs to take her own advice!
Anyway, she's getting her fat face painted on. She claims that she hasn't eaten solid food in a long time. Well except dry coffee! And she's been drinking hot water! So pretty much, this hot head is a human peculator! I'd think will all of that caffeine, this low energy slug be bouncing off of the walls like Daisy! But caffeine apparently has not effect on her! I blame the fat!
Speaking of fat. Her humungous friend that always has to out do her was like, "Coffee? Girl, I onced starved my self by going for weeks on sneezy!" Then the skinny one was like, "girl I'm a breatharian. I don't eat at all!"
They edited out her dead home girl, the skeleton. She rolled out with sign on her rip cage, and her hands over her mouth and the sign said "top this bitches! I'm dead!"
Fucking show off!
So, when Demetria started writing she sacrificed a lot of things, relationships, work outs, and even cats!
But, Anyway! Demetria loves the photos, she just want to Photoshop out her fat! Which is so much easier than proper diet and exercise! What an extremest! She eats like a pig and doesn't work out. Then punishes herself by eating nothing but coffee and sperm!
What a fucking lunatic!
Now we're at Flywheel, and Brie is working out! I knew her fit and petite self had to work out!
So Geneva and Daisy come are their too.
they're doing this for charity. Called, "Half in 10". Or some crap like that! You see, poverty levels are at 22 percent for people who are under the age of 18, and they are going to bring those levels down to 11 percent in 10 years! By riding Bicycles in a fitness class!
Yeah! Don't ask me how it works. Because I don't know!
So, Geneva AKA Snuffleupagus, doesn't want to meet up with the girls on the boat trip because she doesn't like Mica.
And Daisy said that Geneva acts like a nasty attitude having middle aged
black woman, who lost her husband, that wants to look at Daisy's butt!
And I began clapping! Yeah Daisy! There's plenty of women like that on the internet! It's always a Geneva who leaves a nasty comment on my YouTube videos!
The highlight of the scene is when Daisy confessed that she was using the bicycle seat to masturbate! She said that spinning is her sex, because she can feet it in her flower pot.
Hey Daisy, get it how you live! I love this crazy bitch!
So, now we're at Melyssa's Apartment in the Financial District of Jew York city!
And Melyssa's mom and aunt come through. And her white momma can barely sit down before she grabs a beer and starts calling Melyssa a whore.
I feel like I'm watching an Episode of 106 and Trailer Park, on M.E.T. Mixed Entertainment Television! And don't dare act like ya'll don't watch it too!
Their were only 2 good things about this scene. #1 The world now knows what I already knew. Which is that Melyassa Ford is the poster child for race mixing done right! Her momma and daddy have some couture Jean-etics! (genetics)
And #2
When her mom asked her if she is still failing miserably financially. The entre-prewhore in Melyssa makes her want to keep striving for independence. And when I say independence. I mean she is still waiting on her rich man! And well, I still didn't get this money just yet Melyssa but when I do!
Anyway, her mother told her that she needs to get a stable job and hurry and have kids before her eggs go rotten! She's turning 38 this year for God sakes!
Now we're at Demetria's Apartment with Demteria and Gregg!
Gregg is concerned with his girlfriend going on this boat trip. Black people have a tendency to get tied up on trips like these, and then they don't come back! But they always find work when they reach their destination! Anyway! He doesn't for her to get turned out in some lesbian orgy type situation. And does he want for her to get beaten up either!
In our next scene we visit Daisy's apartment.
And she is packing gifts with her two assistants, to give to the ladies son their boat trip!
I'm telling you, Daisy has the perfect name. She's one sweet chick! I just wish that she'd stop with the loud collars! The only thing louder than her wardrobe is her personality! I mean, a bright orange dress and that frigging pink lipstick? She must think that she's Barbie! But as black as she is with that pink lipstick, she looks more like Bar-B-cue!
Now we're in a cab with Melyssa and Demetria. Melyssa says to chill with calling Mica a drunk
because if she has to, Melyssa is gonna snatch that nappy mop on Demetria's head, and ring her brains through her nose holes!
And Mica and Terry are in their car. And Mica says that she just wants a simple apology from Demon-etria for pointing and saying, "Ha ha you're daddy died! You drunk!"
Now the ladies are arriving at the boat at Lincoln Harbor. Geneva can't even get on the boat good and she's speaking about white Jesus and how she wants to bring a Christian crusade of murder and torture, to this boat ride!
Geneva aka Cortez, just last week was screwing her friend, taking it up the butt and letting him piss all over big ass eyes. now she is Jesus in the flesh, last weak she had Jesus in her flesh! And when I say Jesus I mean, the PENIS!
Look, Popeye! You weren't thinking about reaching heaven when Wayne was crucifying your vagina. You weren't trying to reach heaven. just an orgasm! Who is this hypocrite kidding? The only congregating you do is at Churches Chicken!
I can see her now at the Church dinner. Eating out of the collections plate!
No! Better yet! I can see her on a diet now. Talking about, "it died!"
I mean Geneva's eating healthy would last as long as bottle of Visine around them big ass eyes!
On day one of her diet she'd be telling her friend. "Girl! I'm on that new Weight Watchers! Every morning I get on the scale and watch my weight go up!"
"But I'm tryna eat healthy! Just vegetables!" Then she'll be with her girlfriend at the buffet like. I'm just gonna have the Cesar salad! Then she sees her salad, gives up and goes back to meat!
Fat ass! Corn beef is not a vegetable! And 8 slices of Apple Pie is not a daily serving of fruit!
I can see her now! I bet at her funeral, they're gonna say stuff like. "Geneva the big eyed Diva was the type of Elephant to give you her shirt off her back. But she'd take her twinkles out the pocket first"
Geneva lets the women know about her and Wayne.
And Daisy says. "Yeah! That's why she was mad, this beached whale had sand in her bathing suit! And when I say sand, I mean Va-dry-na! Dry vagina!"
So the women get all dolled up and then they sit down to eat dinner.
And Daisy gives the ladies their gifts! And even gets a kiss in return from Brie!
NOTE TO SELF: Get Brie a gift to get a kiss! And when I say a "gift". I mean my dick in a box! With a bow on balls!
Anyway, as expected, the ladies love the gifts. In fact, this ac t of kindness made Demetria finally figure out that Daisy is a sweaty pie! Aww, she must have put an Afro pick in her box!
And a gift to Krispy Kreme!
So Mica starts being questioned about being a slutty, Tragic Mulatto.
And whether or not she is just an alcohol or if she is popping Molly's on the side too!
And Mica has excuses for everything! When it comes to the party that she violently flashed her vagina at. She said she was merely pulling her dress because she had gas! She needed to either fan it or melt in her own funk! And she decided to live!
And as for the time that she ran up in Bries house to rip Geneva's eyes out and make Spaghetti and eyes balls? Well, you see, what had happened was. They were on their way to dinner and Demetria said she was famished from only eating coffee so, Geneva's eyes were supposed to be an appetizer!
Well Mica. You're not rocking with the "white is right" crowd babe! Those excuses will get you no were!
However Mica does brings up a great point! And that's the fact that Demetria is a royal bitch!
She also feels like Demetria is being extremely judgmental. And before she can finish ripping Demon-eatia a new one.
Demetria pulls a Kanye West, snatches her Microphone and says that she thinks that Mica has split personalities! Then said, "Wu Tang is for the children! Suuuuu!"
Whatever that means!
So brie says that yeah, mica is a sloppy drunk!
And mica who is nearly in tears, apologize profusely! I mean she even appologized for slavery!
Right there on that boat! And like she said, Demetria whooped her white ass like Django unchained!
So, Daisy says that calling Mica an alcoholic isn't cool. Because those are strong words. And there's power in the tongue. In fact, she's been with a woman before. Melysssa.. So yeah! There's power in the tongue!
Geneva tells Daisy to shut up because she wasn't there.
And Melyssa just sat there drunk, thinking, I bitch a wish would! Yeah, she gets dyslexic when she gets drunk!
Anyway, the white girl got up and ran off crying! She probably went and drowned her sorrows in more alcohol! As we know, white people can drink a fish under the table! That's the one thing they're good for.
Now in the closing scene, the ladies are at the edge of the boat like that movie, The Titanic.
They're watching fire works. and they're pretty optimistic about the second season!
And getting to know each other and what not. In fact, it's time for the lesbian orgy at the bowels of the ship! Damn, wish i was there! Fish is the healthiest meat that you can eat!
And I'll leave you with these parting words. A wise man once said. "Great minds, think like dykes".
And that was pretty much it for this episode!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment
below
and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more Reality TV. news, reviews, recaps, and
opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle
Plus, MySpace, or 2 cans with a string in the middle! Or even Telepathically! (ILLUMINATI!) In other words,
tell a fucking friend! https://www.youtube.com/user/meetmagazineviews/videos
