Blood Sweat and Heels | Season 1 | Episode 9 | FINALE | Heels on the Hudson | Review | Recap | Opinion
After some clips from earlier episodes in the series. The episode starts out at
with Mica and a very fat woman, Her miracle worker, I mean, make up artist, Patrece. The two are meeting up with Mica's slutty models!
The Skeletons are doing a photo shoot. And the first one is Courtney! A white woman so flat chested that she tries to be funny and cover her little nuggets. One hand on each boobie! All she needed was a rubber band!
She can wear an eye patch as a bra! She said that she once went to the store and they handed her an A cup and she said, "actually I wear an A spoon! Skank you very much"
I mean, if Melyssa's cup runnith' over in her brassier and she has a gulp of breast, Courtney has a sip of titty!
I mean her breasts are so small, when she went to get a mammogram, the Dr. checked for an Adam's Apple! She's so skinny, when she rubs her hands together, it sounds like bubble wrap popping! She's so skinny, when she goes to the beach they say forget skinny dipping. Let's go Courtney dipping!
Nah, I'm just joking! The fat bitches who watch my YouTube videos wish they looked like Courtney! HA HA!
In our next scene Melyssa is showing Lance, a potential client a nice apartment! And she is looking quite bootylicious in a tight white dress!
The rent for the place is $27,000 and her commission works like this. $27,000 Multiplied by 12 months, for a 1 year contract equals, $324,000, divided by 15% equals $48,600 dollars!
Man! I wish I would have gotten into Real Estate years ago! Oh well! Melyssa would be a great teacher! I guess I'll have to ass, I mean ask her! For some lessons or something!
Anyway! Melyssa is working on commissions only. And the client appears to be more concerned with her tight white dress and big sexy biracial booty than the apartment!
He ends up leaving empty handed. Well, except for his parting gift! Some hair in a can! After a quick Masonic hand shake. Captain comb over leaves and goes home to masturbate and think about what he just saw!
Now we're at Mica's apartment in Harlem when her gay boyfriend walks in.
And we're at Daisy's and Geneva's houses too. We're jumping back and forth between the places. And the ladies are reading their invitations to the boat party
Mica said that she used to running from her problems. And being on a boat with them is gonna be odd because, her skinny ass can't swim that damn good! Terry is very supportive of her! He told her that as skinny as she is, she'll be fine! Pirates love skulls and bones!
Now we're with Demetria and she's doing a photo shoot for her second book. Which is titled. "Don't Waste Your Pretty". Judging by her looks, she needs to take her own advice!
Anyway, she's getting her fat face painted on. She claims that she hasn't eaten solid food in a long time. Well except dry coffee! And she's been drinking hot water! So pretty much, this hot head is a human peculator! I'd think will all of that caffeine, this low energy slug be bouncing off of the walls like Daisy! But caffeine apparently has not effect on her! I blame the fat!
Speaking of fat. Her humungous friend that always has to out do her was like, "Coffee? Girl, I onced starved my self by going for weeks on sneezy!" Then the skinny one was like, "girl I'm a breatharian. I don't eat at all!"
They edited out her dead home girl, the skeleton. She rolled out with sign on her rip cage, and her hands over her mouth and the sign said "top this bitches! I'm dead!"
Fucking show off!
So, when Demetria started writing she sacrificed a lot of things, relationships, work outs, and even cats!
But, Anyway! Demetria loves the photos, she just want to Photoshop out her fat! Which is so much easier than proper diet and exercise! What an extremest! She eats like a pig and doesn't work out. Then punishes herself by eating nothing but coffee and sperm!
What a fucking lunatic!
Now we're at Flywheel, and Brie is working out! I knew her fit and petite self had to work out!
So Geneva and Daisy come are their too.
they're doing this for charity. Called, "Half in 10". Or some crap like that! You see, poverty levels are at 22 percent for people who are under the age of 18, and they are going to bring those levels down to 11 percent in 10 years! By riding Bicycles in a fitness class!
Yeah! Don't ask me how it works. Because I don't know!
So, Geneva AKA Snuffleupagus, doesn't want to meet up with the girls on the boat trip because she doesn't like Mica.
And Daisy said that Geneva acts like a nasty attitude having middle aged
black woman, who lost her husband, that wants to look at Daisy's butt!
And I began clapping! Yeah Daisy! There's plenty of women like that on the internet! It's always a Geneva who leaves a nasty comment on my YouTube videos!
The highlight of the scene is when Daisy confessed that she was using the bicycle seat to masturbate! She said that spinning is her sex, because she can feet it in her flower pot.
Hey Daisy, get it how you live! I love this crazy bitch!
So, now we're at Melyssa's Apartment in the Financial District of Jew York city!
And Melyssa's mom and aunt come through. And her white momma can barely sit down before she grabs a beer and starts calling Melyssa a whore.
I feel like I'm watching an Episode of 106 and Trailer Park, on M.E.T. Mixed Entertainment Television! And don't dare act like ya'll don't watch it too!
Their were only 2 good things about this scene. #1 The world now knows what I already knew. Which is that Melyassa Ford is the poster child for race mixing done right! Her momma and daddy have some couture Jean-etics! (genetics)
And #2
When her mom asked her if she is still failing miserably financially. The entre-prewhore in Melyssa makes her want to keep striving for independence. And when I say independence. I mean she is still waiting on her rich man! And well, I still didn't get this money just yet Melyssa but when I do!
Anyway, her mother told her that she needs to get a stable job and hurry and have kids before her eggs go rotten! She's turning 38 this year for God sakes!
Now we're at Demetria's Apartment with Demteria and Gregg!
Gregg is concerned with his girlfriend going on this boat trip. Black people have a tendency to get tied up on trips like these, and then they don't come back! But they always find work when they reach their destination! Anyway! He doesn't for her to get turned out in some lesbian orgy type situation. And does he want for her to get beaten up either!
In our next scene we visit Daisy's apartment.
And she is packing gifts with her two assistants, to give to the ladies son their boat trip!
I'm telling you, Daisy has the perfect name. She's one sweet chick! I just wish that she'd stop with the loud collars! The only thing louder than her wardrobe is her personality! I mean, a bright orange dress and that frigging pink lipstick? She must think that she's Barbie! But as black as she is with that pink lipstick, she looks more like Bar-B-cue!
Now we're in a cab with Melyssa and Demetria. Melyssa says to chill with calling Mica a drunk
because if she has to, Melyssa is gonna snatch that nappy mop on Demetria's head, and ring her brains through her nose holes!
And Mica and Terry are in their car. And Mica says that she just wants a simple apology from Demon-etria for pointing and saying, "Ha ha you're daddy died! You drunk!"
Now the ladies are arriving at the boat at Lincoln Harbor. Geneva can't even get on the boat good and she's speaking about white Jesus and how she wants to bring a Christian crusade of murder and torture, to this boat ride!
Geneva aka Cortez, just last week was screwing her friend, taking it up the butt and letting him piss all over big ass eyes. now she is Jesus in the flesh, last weak she had Jesus in her flesh! And when I say Jesus I mean, the PENIS!
Look, Popeye! You weren't thinking about reaching heaven when Wayne was crucifying your vagina. You weren't trying to reach heaven. just an orgasm! Who is this hypocrite kidding? The only congregating you do is at Churches Chicken!
I can see her now at the Church dinner. Eating out of the collections plate!
No! Better yet! I can see her on a diet now. Talking about, "it died!"
I mean Geneva's eating healthy would last as long as bottle of Visine around them big ass eyes!
On day one of her diet she'd be telling her friend. "Girl! I'm on that new Weight Watchers! Every morning I get on the scale and watch my weight go up!"
"But I'm tryna eat healthy! Just vegetables!" Then she'll be with her girlfriend at the buffet like. I'm just gonna have the Cesar salad! Then she sees her salad, gives up and goes back to meat!
Fat ass! Corn beef is not a vegetable! And 8 slices of Apple Pie is not a daily serving of fruit!
I can see her now! I bet at her funeral, they're gonna say stuff like. "Geneva the big eyed Diva was the type of Elephant to give you her shirt off her back. But she'd take her twinkles out the pocket first"
Geneva lets the women know about her and Wayne.
And Daisy says. "Yeah! That's why she was mad, this beached whale had sand in her bathing suit! And when I say sand, I mean Va-dry-na! Dry vagina!"
So the women get all dolled up and then they sit down to eat dinner.
And Daisy gives the ladies their gifts! And even gets a kiss in return from Brie!
NOTE TO SELF: Get Brie a gift to get a kiss! And when I say a "gift". I mean my dick in a box! With a bow on balls!
Anyway, as expected, the ladies love the gifts. In fact, this ac t of kindness made Demetria finally figure out that Daisy is a sweaty pie! Aww, she must have put an Afro pick in her box!
And a gift to Krispy Kreme!
So Mica starts being questioned about being a slutty, Tragic Mulatto.
And whether or not she is just an alcohol or if she is popping Molly's on the side too!
And Mica has excuses for everything! When it comes to the party that she violently flashed her vagina at. She said she was merely pulling her dress because she had gas! She needed to either fan it or melt in her own funk! And she decided to live!
And as for the time that she ran up in Bries house to rip Geneva's eyes out and make Spaghetti and eyes balls? Well, you see, what had happened was. They were on their way to dinner and Demetria said she was famished from only eating coffee so, Geneva's eyes were supposed to be an appetizer!
Well Mica. You're not rocking with the "white is right" crowd babe! Those excuses will get you no were!
However Mica does brings up a great point! And that's the fact that Demetria is a royal bitch!
She also feels like Demetria is being extremely judgmental. And before she can finish ripping Demon-eatia a new one.
Demetria pulls a Kanye West, snatches her Microphone and says that she thinks that Mica has split personalities! Then said, "Wu Tang is for the children! Suuuuu!"
Whatever that means!
So brie says that yeah, mica is a sloppy drunk!
And mica who is nearly in tears, apologize profusely! I mean she even appologized for slavery!
Right there on that boat! And like she said, Demetria whooped her white ass like Django unchained!
So, Daisy says that calling Mica an alcoholic isn't cool. Because those are strong words. And there's power in the tongue. In fact, she's been with a woman before. Melysssa.. So yeah! There's power in the tongue!
Geneva tells Daisy to shut up because she wasn't there.
And Melyssa just sat there drunk, thinking, I bitch a wish would! Yeah, she gets dyslexic when she gets drunk!
Anyway, the white girl got up and ran off crying! She probably went and drowned her sorrows in more alcohol! As we know, white people can drink a fish under the table! That's the one thing they're good for.
Now in the closing scene, the ladies are at the edge of the boat like that movie, The Titanic.
They're watching fire works. and they're pretty optimistic about the second season!
And getting to know each other and what not. In fact, it's time for the lesbian orgy at the bowels of the ship! Damn, wish i was there! Fish is the healthiest meat that you can eat!
And I'll leave you with these parting words. A wise man once said. "Great minds, think like dykes".
And that was pretty much it for this episode!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment
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Blood Sweat and Heels | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Giving Some and Getting Some | Review | Recap | Opinion |
The show starts out where it left off last week. At the Cocktails with Belle event at EVR. Which is an acronym for "Everyone's Very Rich!" Well except for Melyssa. But' we'll get to that slut in a minute!
This episode was good and interesting right from the very start! So, Melyssa goes to buy herself a drink of Alcohol. And much like Daisy, her black card is broken! And she's tying to play dumb! Well Melyassa! You should have learned to stretch a dollar like you stretch a pussy! But it's all good! Imma take care of you as soon as I get this money!
Melyssa brought Daisy to Demetria's event because she wanted them to talk and fix their little pseudo beef.
And Demon-etria is being a vampire by trying to suck Daisy's positive energy out of her! She's hating on the sweet, spunky, bad wig wearing author and ball of positive energy!
I think that Daisy is adorable. And Demetria should work with her instead of against her. But anyway, Demetria turns her big disgusting body, so that she can fart on Daisy! And she knocks over a glass! And since Daisy is wearing a revealing dress, that shows off her brown shapely legs. The glass jumps up and cuts her!
And this could have all been avoided if these women were in the kitchen and wearing their Burka's!
Anyways! Daisy the Sunflower is bleeding happy juice all over the place. It looks like a horror film! I'm talking Blood everywhere! Looking like a rap video shot in Compton.
Oh well, I now know why the show is titled, "Blood Sweat and Heels" now! They were arguing and sweating, then Demetria drew blood and Daisy was sure nuff wearing some heels!
So Daisy got patched up, the she said F.T.S.! Fuck This Shit! And threw down that silly leg cast and put a tiny band aid on and somehow it stopped her from bleeding!
So, Demtria doesn't know why they are beefing with each other at this point either! So I am not alone by being confused here! She told Daisy something to the effect of. "Sometime you might not remember what someone said, but you remember the way they made you feel."
*Scofffs*
And you know what? To be honest.. That sounds like something a rape victim would say.
I can see Raz B now. "I don't remember what he said, but that shit hurt!"
I was hoping that she was gonna tell Demetria that she is sick of her nasty attitude. Tell her to grow up! And then threaten to whip out a strap on, rip the rubber dick off! And then proceed to strap on fuck her up the ass with a can of glade! To freshen her stinking attitude! Because she's tired of being insecure and talking out of her cunt!
But, she took the higher route. And let her know that she's not trying to bring any drama tot he event, and she's sorry that Demetria took whatever she did the wrong way. Now they're cool again! For now! And they will talk about it another time.
So now we're at Melyssa's job. And she walks in so drunk from the night before that she had have a brother in a suit come play, "Captain Save a Video Hoe!" And find the icon to her email account on her computer for her!
And Brother man better hit that! 40 year old ex booty models that come to work with hang overs are the easiest pussy you're ever gonna get. And you got bragging rights to boot!
So Jennifer, Melyssa's boss told her that she needs to have a meeting with her really soon.
And I'm scurred (scared) that she's about to get fired!
So, now we're at Mica's apartment in Harlem New York!
Mica, who happens to be a high ranking member of the Illuminati. Drunk Model chapter. Has a torture apparatus for her cheating boyfriend all set up! She forced him to lay down at gun point. Took a sip from her special secret elixir *whispering* (Shh, it's alcohol!)
Then she sent some electrical currents through his eye brow!
Bad bad ruthless Mulatto! Nick Canon better watch his back!
Mica has a Cocktail party for Project Sunshine to go to. And she made her gay blabber mouthed boyfriend swear on Oath of Secrecy and silence. With the penalty of death if ever dares to reveal that secret!
*EVIL LAUGH* Muhu ha ha ha!
Hmm Cheddar cheese!
Now we visit Bries apartment in Manhattan New York.
And Brie might be cute. But even her dog is boring! I bet the only thing dryer than her personality is her pussy! Bries vagina is so dry, I can light a match on her clit!
I bet she masturbates with a hammer! Her coochie is so dry, tight, tart and hard. I bet she doesn't even own a wrench!
So, Melyssa Ford comes over! Amd she told sand paper snatch that she has this cute little Christmas Tree outfit that her dog can put on. And I was very confused. I said, "wait a minute! How does a woman like Melyssa who lives in that closet sized Apartment. I mean, it's not even a studio, it's just the sound proof booth! But, how does she have room there for extra clutter like Dog costumes!"
Then I released something! That little outfit, is probably something the bitch wore in a rap music video back in the day! When she was young! And relevant! At barbershops!
Anyway, Melyssa is laughing at the bib that Brie put on her dog. Because she knows how he must feel! Just like her days on music video shoot days, theirs a bitch with balls all around her!
You've made it Melyssa! You went from exploiting women to well... exploiting women! Congratulations you man-less 40 year old drunk! If you didn't scrape your womb over the years you could have a least had a baby or something! Oh well, at least you have debt to keep you company! You're bank account has nothing but 0's and a 1 at the end! Looking like a binary code!
So Demetria stops by. And Brie let's the girls know that they are dutifully invited to her charitable event for a Children's Hospital. And of course they drank to that!
Come to find out, it's Bries dog Rocko's birthday! And when she starts talking some bull shit about not putting a candle in his cake and what not. Demetria looks at her like she wants to get her psychologically evaluated. And Melyssa looks at her like, "Bitch! I would slap the black off of you, but I ran out of hand sanitizer!"
Now we're at Geneva's apartment in Harlem New York!
And she has a charitable event to attend, but forget all of that! This Wesley Snipes look a like is ready to get her some penis! She can't wait for it too! She decided to shove some Kegel balls up her coochie to tighten things up down there. She is going on a date with a friend with bend a fits! Not benefits, bend a fits! Because he is gonna bend her chubby body over and Harpoon the Hippo!
So now were in an SUV, that's a Slut Utility Vehicle by the way! We're with Demttria aka Krustyy The Clown! Melyssa Ford aka the woman so sexy that she takes a shit with her legs cross! And Brie Bythewood aka O.R.B.! And I bet you're asking yourself, "what does that mean?" You know, she's an ORB, O.R.B.! One Rich Bitch!
You see Brie and Mylessa do the same kind of work but, Brie has it easy! Mylessa works on her knees to sell Real Estate. And her knee pads are as raggedy as Mica the drunks kidneys.
Brie on the other hand, has a rich family so, she sells real estate through her Illuminati hook ups!
And Melyssa is a bit jealous of her easy, breezy, and privileged lifestyle.
I mean Brie is such a lady, when she wipes her ass, she folds the tissue over the chocolate before placing it into the toilet. Yes not tossing, but placing it. Carefully and slowly! And I bet she says, "there" when she gently puts it into the commode!
Now we arrive at Herbert H. Lehman College for the Children's Hospital party.
Demtria who is dressed like mother Earth in her green and blue dress. And Melyssa, who is dressed like the sky in her blue and white dress. Are chatting it up and the girls are gonna have a dinner party in the future. So they can stop disliking each other for no other reason than being catty girls.
And Melyssa and me feel the same way about Mica, that she is a sweet heart! And Melyssa has her back!
Speaking of Mica, we're at the Project Sunshine Event!
And they can barely get in the party good before some white boy in the Illuminati is hounding them about why they have been together for 2 years and aren't married yet! Because in their secret society, they marry to exchange monies and have what they believe to be "advanced" children, because of their blood lines.
And Mr. arranged marriage over here got married to his wife in 10 months to the date of them meeting! And he gave Mica that look like, "You know the rules". And Mica is a rebel, so they might off her!
So we're now back at the Hospital Charity Event! And Melyssa tells Demetria that Brie is so rich, that when she eats, she wipes her mouth with a gold embroidered, cashmere napkin. And the voice on her alarm clock that she wakes up to is Robin Leech from, "The Lifestyles Of The Rich and Famous!" And I don't mean a recording of his voice neither! Robin Leech sleeps underneath Bries bed and wakes her up by saying, "You're rich bitch!" at 6am every morning!
As a matter of fact. Her momma is more loaded like Aaliyah's airplane. She even has a 1.2 Million dollar painting in her bathroom!
And rumor has it. Bries birth, well, she was hatched from a golden egg!
And Demetria comes from money too! She was whipping her daddies credit card out of her Afro and charging it to the game since day 1!
Now, according to Melyssa, she was so filthy and poor that she was forced to begin working at age 11! LMAO! She's so full of shit! LMAO! Yeah right Melyssa! The only job you've ever held was a hand job! Oh and a blow job! Silly prostitute. Until you sold your first house through Real Estate, you thought J.O.B. was an acronym for "Jerking Off the Boss!"
Now we're with Geneva and her Friend with Bend a fits named Wayne.
The two are having a date at the ARTE CAFE! And she is a silly fat girl. Acting how women act when they really like a guy!
They barely ate any of their food before they had to hop up and leave to go do it!
And Wayne whispered something in her ear so crazy that she lost it and her balls fell out! No! Not the Kegal balls! I mean her testicles fell out of her duck taped ass!
He said this in her ear, *Psst!*"I always wanted to fuck Wesley Snipes!"
And the bitch was like, "On guard!" "Tushay" "Seppeku!" Lets's go!
Eww! Nasty!
Now we're at Pastai Restaurant with Melyssa Ford and her boss Jennifer.
And Melyassa just knows that she's about be fired so, she starts talking that big girl shit! Saying stuff like, "I'm so awesome that I moved to New York with a 1 way bus ticket, 2 bags fulls of dildos and $25!"
Yeah Melyssa, traveling with a small amount of cash is a good way to keep from losing it all in a robbery! Besides, you probably had some guys Centurion Black Card in your back pocket, keeping warm from all of that glorious booty heat!
And I bet you had a place to stay when you reached New York! I mean, $25 can get you a box to sleep in for the night. It wouldn't even put you in the worst of hotels! So stop fronting!
So Jennifer fell for Melyssa's B.S. story and she still has her job. For now!
But, Jennifer is quitting the MNS company and her excuse is her Son ,who is of marrying age, is moving back to Seattle Washington. And he "needs her". So she is going back to the West Coast! To be there for her adult son! And Melyssa starts crying like someone came in her eyes!
Then she threw major shade at her boss! She said that she feels like Jennifer is her mom! LMAO! Melyssa is 37 years old! This lady can't be much older than her, 5 years at most! So she basically said that Jennifer is an old bat! LMAO!
In our final scene, we visit Demetria's apartment in Brooklyn New York.
Demon-etria is with her loser, doormat fiance Gregg. And Demon has a great idea for the ladies to come together and settle their petty differences. By going on a boat trip! And she is going to invite them by sending them really catty cards that say things like, "Dear Mica, you are a drunk, long faced, Vampire looking Mulatto mess of a whore! You nasty alcoholic slut! ". And, "dear Melyssa, a vagina is made to stretch for a baby. Not for a Parade! An old wise man once told me, that a woman's vagina should never big bigger than her apartment!"
What a catty cunt! And this is why I can't stand Demon-etria!
But I have a card for Gregg and one for Demetria. Dear Demetria. You are an evil fat black bitch! If you lost about 50-75 pounds, you'd be cute! But since you wont stop working your jaws, running to the refrigerator and doing pull ups on the counter. We will never see you in a size smaller than a 20. Like you will never see your feet when you stand and pee at the toilet!
And dear Gregg. Grow a pair bro. You are engaged to a man! Start standing up to him more often. And ps. Please buy some chopstick! You're upper lip is whiter than Brie's circle of friends!
And that was pretty much it for this episode! Next week is the season Finale! Yes! The show has only 9 episodes for it's first season! I don't know why! It was Bravo's biggest debuting audience in the history of the channel!
Anyway!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment
below
and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more Reality TV. news, reviews, recaps, and
opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle
Plus, MySpace, or 2 cans with a string in the middle! In other words,
tell a fucking friend!
The Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 6 Episode 17 | He Said, She Said | Review | Recap | Opinion
The episode starts out at Atlanta Beach where you can be a shopaholic and an alcoholic at the same damn time! Cynthia is going bathing suit shopping and drinking a large glass of alcohol
when NeNe walks in. And they're being watched! The store clerk is some nosy white woman who is all up in the business. And she is watching them to make sure they don't steal! Racist cunt!
So anyway, NeNe only wears two piece's. I thought she was referring to her wig, but she was talking about bathing suits. Eww! The women are preparing to go to Mexico! And Cynthia can't wait to show off her body now that those fibroid bubbles have been popped! She had the bubble guts for real!
NeNe says that Marlo turned on her by befriending Kenya and she doesn't want to talk about her ever again! Let alone speak to her! But you know what they say! Elephants never forget!
Speaking of Marlo.Bootylicious Marlo is being visited by Stallion Booty Kenya Moore.
And theirs booty everywhere imn this scene!@ Is this Marlo's apartment, or a Pirate convention? Either way, they're having cocktails! Boy! I'd give Kenya's tail a cock alright!
Marlo admits that she knew that NeNe had an issue with her being friends with Kenya!
She laid down the rules and already explained to her that she had to either choose the horse or the Moose! And she chose the Kenya.
Marlo and Kenya feel that NeNe's real issue is the fact that her acting career is failing miserably! She went from being on 3 different TV. shows simultaneous, to now being forced to go back to the starting line! And just do her old drag queen routine on the Real Housewives of Atlanta! A show which is statistically accurate because only half of the black Housewives are actually married!
Now we're visiting Phaedra and Apollo's house. They're enjoying some time with their two children. Future inmate #1 is trying to catch frogs in the pool with a net. And future inmate #2 is about to be thrown in the pool by Bonnie, I mean Phaedra!
And Bonnie loathes the idea of going on a trip to filthy Mexico because. The last time the group went on a trip. Boonie almost had to shoot Kenya between the eyes! Because Clyde aka Apollo the scammer, decided he was gonna do something with Kenya that he can't do with Phaedra. And that's pick her up, put her on his shoulder. And jump into the pool!
He would have jumped into the pool with Phaedra but. If he did, all of the water would have come out. And the pool would have been left as bare as Kenya's womb!
So, Phaedra is thinking about leaving Apollo to stay with the children while she takes her flamboyant homosexual friend Dwight. Mr. DUI! That way, she wont have to worry about them two sneaking off into the bushes! In other words, no half brother, bank robbing partner for Ayden.
Now Peter is visiting Kordell. And he tells Peter some startling information about his marriage!
His relationship between himself and Porsha was between the two of them and the man upstairs! Not God! But some man was living upstairs! He didn't eat or drink, he never left that bedroom. He'd just peak out and stare from time to time!
To make matters even more complicated. Porsha's family ruined their marriage!
She'd bring 12 people from her family to his house at a time. And one day Porsha's mother was sitting in his bedroom on his cream colored chairs, eating Peperoni Pizza!
And Porsha used to disappear for days at a time! Uh huh! I knew she had a straight man on the side! And come to find out, Porsha hounded Kordell about a divorce for 3 months! So she lied when she said that she found out about him wanting to part ways on twitter! I knew a woman that fine was too good to be true!
Now were finally in Mexico! At the El Dorado Royale Spa Resort by Karisma!
Kenya and Mr. Lawrence traveled a day ahead! And Kenya is such an evil whore, that she's going to leave pictures of herself wearing nearly nothing in the women's rooms! That way Apollo can pretend that he's in his old cell, and masturbate to them!
So NeNe, Gregg, Cynthia, Peter and Porsha arrive. And I'm wondering why Cynthia is dressed like a Sailor. Then I figured it out. Peter is finally gonna get some from Cynthia. And they're gonna do it on the beach so he doesn't make a mess everywhere. So, she dressed like a seaman for the semen! Very clever Cynthia!
So Phaedra is hold out on coming. Like Tantra. She wants to get the word from the girls that the feds aren't around before she gets down there!
In the meantime. NeNe Moose is bragging about arriving earlier than the other women. And I'm thinking, yeah bitch! You were the first one to Mexico and the last one at the hair salon!
Whoop dee fucking hair do! I hope you crack a hoof!
So, Kandi and Todd finally arrive and everyone is so far having a good time.
Then Porsha get's there and steals the show as usual. This time she said something dumber than that time she said that infamous quote. "I know it was racist but. My favorite cartoon was that black exploitation one where Bugs Bunny was tied to the train tracks in the Underground Railroad! Boy they really hated us back then!"
So what did Porsha-tard say this time ? What could she say that could be worse than the infamous Bugs Bunny Underground Railroad story? She said that she is Mexican because her, "baby hairs stay laid!"
No Porsha! Mexican's have hair in their drinking water, and black girls like you buy their hair from dirty Indian girls. Who have hair in their ass!
Come to think of it. You are a Mexican Porsha! You're cheap, stupid, only qualify to work as a maid. You have a big funky family that you tried to cram into Kordells mansion. And no one wants to live near you. Sounds like a Mexican to me! Ha Ha!
So, everyone is having a good time in the stretch Hummer limo from the air port. And Peter says to Porsha, "Porsha, no shade. Because the only shade (Sade) someone as black as me knows is that singer who sings the Sweetest Taboo!"
"I talked to Kordell. And you're a lying heifer! Kordell said you and your family are trifling free loaders! The type to jump up and lay down on a Granite kitchen counter on television, acting like coon casserole"
And Porsha is still lying about loving Kordell. Because she says that she is going to divorce him and immediately show off the new guy to the world! Boy! pretty women must heal fast after break ups!
It's always fun having a fine woman. Until she moves on to the next penis! When Alicia Keys left me, it was very hard to deal with! I'll never get over that dream.
So, the group arrive at the El Dorado Royale. And Kenya is there spinning around half naked and being very racist. She is making that stupid sound that Hispanics make. *rolls tongue!*
And the wet backs almost cut her head off!
Anyways! Mr. Lawrence of course had to come in spinning around being an attention whore just like Kenya! He had on his Poncho, some all white "please Lord don't let me get my period" pants! And a fake beard! So he spent around and acted gay and annoying. We all know how the gays are!
I wonder how many people peeped this! Porsha said the same thing that I said in an earlier review! That Kenya's boyfriend from Africa, is so black that we can't see him. He's invisible!
Like I always say, "Great minds, think like dykes!" Ha ha! But seriously, as retarded as Porsha is, I now under stand why they say that a broken clock is right twice a day. Porsha's so stupid, her spirit animal is a ding bat!
So Kenya shows the group their rooms. And she gave NeNe a presidential suite to match her patriot looking wig! Ands he's telling NeNe that she is giving her this room as an olive branch because...
and before she can finish speaking. Moose ate the damn olive branch! Greedy whore!
Anyway! The place is so beautiful that Gregg hopped up on bed on all fours, and begin bouncing up and down and slapping his own ass! So, I don't want to read any negative comments underneath my videos, crying about me calling NeNe a man! She clearly gives it to Gregg from the back!
If a room on vacation would make Gregg do that. Just imagine what he'd do for a biscuit.
In the next scene. Porsha showed the world an old Ancient African secret! That while white girls do their hair on their head. Black girls pull theirs off to brush it! See, white folks, scalp tickets. Black women scalp Mexican's for their hair. She's been their one day and she already has some poor Mexicunt running around, holding her head like Sleepy Hollow!
So, Porsha hasn't had any booty in so long that she jumped up on Cynthia and ate her out!
But lets move along to the closing scene.
So the group meet up at Jo Jo's Restaurant! And no! K-Ci is not the manager! Anyway! Kenya wants to mix up the couples and have them sit next to people other than their partners.
When they're seated, Gregg tells Porsha that she was a fool for leaving Kordell because he has lot's of money.
And Porsha, whose fed up with all of the Kordell talk. Wants to explain once and for all to everyone why her and Kordell broke up so they can stop asking. So she tells them that at first she did agree to stay home with their child and what not, but things changed. So Todd cut her off and said, "Wait! you mean to tell me that dude had a sex change?" And Porsha was so pissed that she spit at Todd and said, "Shut your little ass up Pinocchio! Before I cut your fucking strings!"
Then she went on to say that Kordell wasn't buying her enough materialistic things so with her being the gold digging whore that she is, she had to go find more lucrative ways to make money to buy expensive things that make wealthy white people even richer! You know! Like spending her life savings on weave!
And come to find out. She married Kordell so that she could help take away the rumors that Kordell is a homosexual! In exchange for him buying her expensive trinkets. In other words, they were in fact in an arranged marriage.
In this scene, Kenya Moore was being so invasive and mean and shady to Porsha. That the Porsha almost got up and broke her neck! So, stay tuned! We just may see Porsha and Kenya go at it. I hope not! Lord knows Porsha can't afford to take a blow to the head! Porsha can afford taking a blow to the head like she can afford an 8,000 square foot mansion, off of synthetic hair and Reality TV. money!
And that was pretty much it for this episode!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment
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Basketball Wives LA | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Review | Recap | Opinion
The show starts out with Jackie and her gang, the Jackets! Brittish and Sundy
at Wynn Nail Spa.
Brittish and Sundy are talking about Brandi. Saying things like, she is broke, doesn't have a job, is insecure, thinks she's better than everybody else, is ugly, has a stank attitude, and a bad make up artist!
As for Draya, they feel that she looked cute at the Turkish party, but she is a habitually naked little slut, that needs to put some clothes on! Which is of course hilarious because Sundy Carter used to be a booty model herself! Yes! Miss Judgmental Sundy Carter used to take pictures nude or almost nude for dollars. She was a stripper for photographers.
To make it worse, when Sundy sees Draya, she's gonna call her her old stripper name. "Miami", just to be petty witch!
And I just wanna know whether or not Draya slept with her man! Why else would Sundy be so insecure about chicken wing?
In our next scene we we visit Andaz to see the pretty girls on the show.
Brandi, Malaysia and that fine ass Draya!
Draya is playing hoe coach. and tells Brandi that Brittish is a 5 year old, who hangs out with 50 year old kidnappers like Jackie, because she gave her a bag of candy!
As for this homo party that Jackie is planning, Draya is going to be the self appointed assistant manager and make sure the other women are doing what they are supposed to be doing.
In one of the best scenes of the show. We meet up with Draya at the park with her son that is almost as tall as her. The reason why this is our first time seeing him is because Draya abandoned hm a long time ago to chase penis and money.
On a side note, Draya used to go out with Erica Mena, and birds of a feather, neglect their children together! But, she is ready to be a mommy for at least one funny and very short scene!
This little boy looked so confused when he saw his mother! He gave her that look like, "And who are you and where are we going?"
She said, "get your ass in the car boy! I'm your mother!"
If this boy is almost her size, and judging by how young she looks. I'd say that she had him at around 14. Oh well, I'd still smash Draya! Even if she is pushing the dirty 30 and has had more miles put on her than a fleet of U-Hauls!
So, the two erected a goal and pulled out a soccer ball! And we all know that erections and balls are Draya's specialty! But Niko somehow beat Draya at Soccer which is funny because, Draya has had more balls dangling from her face than a Christmas tree! So I just don't get it!
So now, Jackie goes to visit her daughter Chantel. And you can tell that they're related. They both have the family neck! You know? A neck with more lines than Whitney Houston's coffee table? Uh huh!
Don't get me wrong. She's cute, with her big ass forehead. But besides having a satellite dish for a forehead and those big, ugly old school earrings. She is nice looking. From certain angles. For a chub wub! Even if she does have a double chin and all that fat around her neck.
I'd smash. If she wouldn't tell anybody!
Jackie said she wants to be her momager, you know mom slash manager. like Kris Jenner. And Chantel looks mortified!
Come to find out, Jackie used to manage Chantel's non existent singing career. And she was a complete control freak,! Her pimping, I mean managing style ruined their personal relationship. What may be even more disturbing is the fact that Jackie told her that she is her favorite child! So, she has her children divided up into categories?
Chantel, says that tshe accepts her as who she is. A character. and people who are characters, lack character. Jackie is obviously insane.Just my observation.
So Jackie aks Chantel about who she is dating. Chantel informs her mom that the guy she was dating is Orlando! Draya's client! I mean current boyfriend!
She then informs her mom that Orlando tried to hit it from the back! And the front, and sideways, and upside down. and he tried to get her to lick his asshole too! But she told him, "no!" "All that you can get from me is conversation and a tease!"
Now the conversation got to be really sketchy when she said that she not only has she been to his house, but has washed some dishes and everything. And that comment leads me to ask this question. Does this fool need to invest in some paper plates and plastic forks? Or were you washing dishes the nights that you stayed over and Orlando was beating them walls like a "Flip This House" marathon?! You home wrecking hussy!
So, Chantel found out on the internet about Orlando screwing Draya! Probably on that crappy Lip Stick Alley website. (Those nosy heifers!) Also, people sent her pictures, then she saw him at the ESPY awards with Draya!
Jackie being the mafia leader that she is, is going to talk to Draya as opposed to Chantel speaking with her. Because Chantel is too immature and insecure to be civilized the our favorite prostitute! And Jackie pinky swears that she wont tell Chanetels daddy, Doug. And when I say, "pinky swear" I don't mean her finger, I mean she swore on her pink pussy!
Jackie is on Eyes Wide Shut shit! Trust me!
In our next scene it's the 6 month anniversary of Draya and Orlando's relationship. And she blind folded him and he sat her nearly naked booty on the counter! After they pop the champagne, he informs Draya that he purchased her a little present. So he walks off, and comes back walking very gay. And draya swears that he is about to propose! But nah! He lets her know that he is 26 years old and he isn't thinking about marriage right now. Especially when it comes to marrying strippers and prostitutes with a big old son almost as tall as him!
Draya is thirsty from being a whore. Or as she words it, "where there's a dry mouth, there's a wet pussy!" You see, Draya only wanted two things her whole lifetime. An asshole that would stop falling inside out. And someone to look pass the fact that she's had more trains ran on her than Bugs Bunny!
So he hands her a box of earrings and she asks him, "So Orlando are you ever gonna propose to me?" And Orlando said, "Nah bitch! All you are to me is some LIP! You know L.I.P.? Live In Pussy!" Enjoy your free ride. And suck on this pop dickle!
Now Doug and Jackie are meeting up.
Jackie informs Doug about the Draya situation. Which she should. Because if something were to happen to their cute, big bootied daughter. Jackie wouldn't be able to get it off of her tiny little conscious. So Doug tells her that she better bring the Jackets! Because Draya might kill the messenger!
So, now were at the park with Doug and Lorenzo. And they're about to do some training. And I notices something odd! Lorenzo is thick, like a football player.The only basketball he should be playing is balling up some fruits and veges, and placing them in his shopping basket! Fat sloppy fucker!
Lorenzo asked Doug for some advice concerning marriage. Such as, how him and British can stay together in a loving and happy marriage.
Doug informs Lorenzo that what him and Jackie did was this.
So, he went into some stupid speech about circles and fruit loops and hoola hoops and some other bull shit. I mean. I have never been married. But my advice to Lorenzo would have been this. "Brah! You wanna stay married a long time? Well, okay! E.T.B.! Eat the Booty! And preferably with extra spit. And yeah! That's the key to a happy and prosperous marriage!"
So, after that old bull shit about love and circles. Doug told him the truth! He told Lorenzo that if he wants to never get divorced. He needs to eat that booty! And tie her up, upside down, and beat her until she bleeds with a whip, or a slender strap! While she's blindfolded!
He also informs Lorenzo about role playing. Because all of this is unheard of by someone his age. Sure! Ha ha! And of course marriages are all about sex. Well at least in Jackie and Doug's secret world! Mmm, Hmm!
Now we visit the Stone Candle Bar! Malaysia and Playa are shopping for the gift bag items for that homo event that Jackie is throwing so that she can continue to pimp the gays.
Malaysia wants to buy candles because, she doesn't know what the Hell that scam artists Jackie wants! And that was the first thing she saw when she walked in so, works for her!
So, Malaysia thinks that she has 200 bags to stuff, and they found the perfect item for a gang of fudge packers. A rainbow candle! You know, since the sausage sippers stole the Rainbow from Jesus? And while they're waiting for a black out to happen, they can shove the candle up their ass!
So it's multipurpose! Or as Draya says, "It's a win, win, for your rear end!"
Anyway, so, Malaysia calls Jackie to ask her about the money for the candles. And whether or not this is a good enough present. So, Jackie informs her that she only has to do 50 bags and that she expects other people that she's hustling to be suckers, I mean donate! As she puts it!
In other words, you're paying for it Malaysia! You may be pretty, but you're not smart, at all!
And come to find out Jackie has spent about $30,000 on the event already. Probably to dig a hole for that dungeon to hide the secret orgy! Anyway! Before she can try to hustle Malaysia some more. Draya, who is the type of hoe that is used to being saved, comes to Malaysia's aid. She swooped down like the bird she is and squawked into the phone and parroted this message. *Bird Voice* "Squawk! Girl, bye!"
Now we visit the Duplex. Jackie and Doug, are sitting up their looking like Will and Jada. With Brittish and Lorenzo. I can tell you this much! I think that Jackie and Doug are swingers! Something tells me that they're possible going to have an orgy, were everyone gets stuck! Doug and Lorenzo look like the type to get the booty bumped anyway! I smell sugar!
So, Lorenzo asks Jackie about how it feels to be married. And Jackie implies that her and Doug are each others beards! And they have S.W.A.G, which stands for, "Secretly We Are Gay!"
And their dirty little gay secret and the thought of deceiving the world is what keeps them going!
So, Brittish lets them know that she has changed Lorenzo! He used to be out their screwing a lot of girls. But her head game is sick so he "changed", just for her!*Scoffs!*
Jackie asks if they fantasize. And then she start talking about role playing, just like Doug did earlier! Because, Jackie and Doug do shit like this when they're recruiting people for their secret sex parties. And partner swapping! And Brittish and Lorenzo are not falling for it for even one second! In fact, they seem to be appalled by the idea of Doug sicking his balled head into Jackies hairy ass! They almost got up and ran out of that restaurant!
Now were at the Castaway. Sundy and Jackie, and Jackie's new wig sit down.
Jackie is looking just like that character from that movie, "The Dark Crystal!"
Sundy may be cute, but she is a fucking hater! She starts talking crap about how Brandi better not be at the homo bash, or she will hit her in the head with a bottle, or trip her, or tickle her to death or something!
So Jackie cuts her off and starts telling her about Chantel sucking off Orlando.
And everyone knows that Sundy's daughter swallows swords for a living. So, Jackie found something that she has in common with Sundy. Yep! Dick sucking daughters, bringing the world together since 1380!
Sundy is shocked! Not as surprised as she was when she received that nasty backlash from the entire planet when she tweeted out a picture of her own daughter suckling the penis upon the internet!
Anyway, besides them connecting on their daughters sucking penis's. Sundy, with her evil alien sounding voice and her alien looking face is still hating on Draya! And she wants to be there when Jackie informs her about Chantel and Orlando.
Now were visiting Il Cielo, which is Spanish for, "Ciara has a little butt".
Playa is meeting up with Malaysia and Brandi.
And Playa says that she has been with Orlando for 6 months and they are still using condoms. and that makes Draya feel grown up! Which is an improvement. She usually feels felt up!
The funny thing about this scene is when Draya starts talking about how she is a crazy, psychotic girlfriend. The type that goes through your phone, and your brain while you're sleeping! And she does anal cavity searches too. With no glove.
She also said that she sleeps with one eye on her man. I guess so when everything on you is fake. Wig on the jacket holder, eye on her man, titties on the door step! Ass in the pantry, brain in the oven!
Mr's Potato head swag, with a play dough pussy and monopoly money! Tragic Mulatto! Man! Mixed chicks stay losing!
Come to find out, the other heifers have been cheated on before and this scares Draya. I mean, she slept with everyone's man as a come up. And Karma is going to bite Playa bad when Orlando gives her that magic! Yep! That Magic Johnson! That dirty A. Or, the Aids! He'll be cheating and bringing back flees in no time. He's that type. I can tell! And that's when I'm gonna scoop her! I'll be rich by then!
I love how Draya, the side chick super heroine acts as if she is so shocked by the fact that people cheat! She has hidden in a number of closets when the wife has come home! In her life time! I can see her little skinny ass now peeking out of the garbage can like Oscar the Grouch, with a banana on her head. As the wife pulls into the garage, home sick from work or because she forgot something!
Anyway, she said that she was about to cry! Then I realized that she was about to cry laughing. Because she has cheated with both of these women's men. Wow, I guess light skin really is the right skin!
In our final scene were at Rockwell restaurant.
Jackie brought the jackets out to protect her from Draya's rain! Yep! She brought Malaysia and Sundy with her. And Sundy informs Draya that she knows the tea that Jackie is about to spill.
And Sundy is masturbating anticipation for this news to be cast!
Jackie lets Draya know that Orlando was slobbing down Chantel. And Draya denies it at first. And says that Chantel used to fuck his friend, but not Orlando! So then Jackie whips out her phone and shows her the proof!
And I'll see you next review to finish the story! Because that's where the scene ends!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment below and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more Reality TV. news, reviews, recaps, and opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle Plus, MySpace, or 2 cans with a string in the middle! In other words, tell a fucking friend!
The Real Housewives of Atlanta | Season 6 | Episode 16 | Twirling With The Enemy | Review Recap Opinion
The episode starts out at NeNe's house with Moose and Gregg!
And Shamo still swears that she didn't know that the event was to honor her.
And she jokes about having a spit personality named Nay Nay, because she's been diagnosed as, "full of shitsophrenic"!
Yeah, she's full of it! Blame your actions on your split personality? Just because you wear a raggedy wig and walk around looking like Donald Trump after losing a fight. Doesn't make you a man named Nay Nay!
Anyway! Gregg is far too supportive. He agrees with Ne Ne that Peter was way out of line at the masquerade. And Ne Ne is one of those nasty black women that love to challenge a mans masculinity. She thinks that Peter was a "bitch" for merely stating that when you are in public at a charitable event you should act accordingly!
She approached Peter the Skunk, yet she claims that he was "up in women's faces".
Anyway! NeNe has been invited to Peters upcoming birthday party. She isn't going to turn down food.
Now were visiting, The Reserve - Cafe Circa. Kenya Moore and Marlo are meeting up for coffee. I mean alcohol! So Marlo, who is dressed up like a Tarot Card Reader missed the Masquerade but will come to the next event for sure! However, she allegedly donated to the Saving Our Daughters foundation!
Kenya still exclaims that NeNe knew about the event and got an invitation.
In a nut shell, Kenya told Marlo that NeNe acted a damn full blown fool at the Masquerade!
Marlo at this point is still supportive of NeNe. And even defended her friend.
In the next scene. Peter's Surprise Party is being set up and they only have one hour!
It's a Jamaican themed birthday party and as we all know Jamaican's are so selfish that they forced the Government to give them their own day. Yes once a week we are forced to celebrate Jamaican day. You know. MON-day! The day for the Mon's!
Anyway, the bane arrives, and by band. I don't mean a group of Jamaican bobsledder looking fools. I mean two white dudes! Cynthia mumbled C A C under her breath. Yeah! I heard her say it! She said, "cracka ass cracka's!" They didn't put that in close caption for some reason. I wonder why!
So Peter, arrives wearing a white suit so that we can see him. And he can't wait to "dance" with Cynthia. And when I say, "dance" I mean dry hump! You'd think that you were at a little wet back birthday party the way he was smacking that ass with his stick!
But I feel you Peter! Cynthia has been using the fibroid excuse for not letting Peter smash. Because she has another man on the side! But anyways! He's smacking his throbbing boner on her ass cheeks and squeezing the booty in front of everybody! And he even flat out told her, "Bitch we can fuck right here!" And yes! He really said that!
Anyway, Porsha and her hot sister Lauren arrive on CPT! No, not "colored people time"! They arrived on CPT. Challenged people time. As in mentally challenge. You see when Porsha got her invitation she read it wrong. She thought it said, "you've been investigated!" So she fled the country!
So, Peter walks over to the women sitting down, feeling brand new in his white suit. With the thought of some birthday sex, and Jeremih playing in the background. He asks Kenya and Marlo about when they became friends!
And I personally think they are licking each others butts! But anyway, NeNe pops up and Peter is so horny that he kissed her on the neck in front of Gregg!
Anyway! NeNe talks to Kenya about the recent drama. And NeNe is still mad about the couples event as well as the Masquerade! So, Kenya apologizes to Moose for stepping her hooves., I mean toes!
Yet, she still had to fight with her to get a hug! Then Marlo had to steal a hug too!
Geez! With frenimies like NeNe....
So, Wigopotamus is upset about Kenya and Marlo being new friends. Ne Ne wants to control everything and everyone! And for whatever reason, she is treating Marlo like a cupcake. If someone else takes a bite, she doesn't want to eat it anymore! She treats Marlo like that's her side piece. Hmm, Cheddar cheese.
Peter wants for Cynthia to dress up like Marylin Monroe! She told him that she'd do it in the bedroom that night! Little did he know that she'd walk in dressed up in a blonde wig, pointing a loaded revolver at him. And shoot him in the face! Cynthia hates JFK!
So, NeNe arrives at Porsha's 8,000 Square Foot Mansion! That used to be NeNe's shoe! And she's feeling herself because she extended that silly looking weave. She's sitting there playing with it and implying that Porsha is a lazy slothful slut! She said Porsha earning the role in Kandi's play will give her a whole new outlook on work. Not life, but work!
And come to find out, her character named Jada, which she is still calling Jade, was in an abusive relationship. The guy she married even chocked her with some dental floss for not putting the cap back on the tooth paste! Geez! I'd hate to know what he'd do to her if she didn't flush the toilet! I'm sure she wouldn't go hungry! I'll just say that!
So, they discussed how acing is like sex. For it to truly be good, you gotta dig deep! And all that I could think about was turning my camera on and digging in Porsha! Boy, I'd rip Porsha's back seat out like Pimp My Ride! And stick a TV in her! Widescreen!
So, NeNe asks Porsha about dating. And told her that even though she is still married, since she is getting a divorce anyway, she might as well get some-new penis! And Porsha made the most basic of whore gestures. She protruded her tongue! So, yeah, she at least has someone in mind. If not, she has moved on already.
I just wonder what NeNe would say if Porsha got pregnant by some other guy. And her and Kordell never get fully divorced. You know a lot of women just claim that the baby is their husbands! And this is why I'm pro DNA tests for all children. On earth!
So now Mr. Lawrence is visiting Kenya Moore. And she lets him know that she is planning an all couples trip to Mexico. Dirty water, drug cartels and maids named Maria everywhere!
So, Kenya asks Lawrence to come along and be her gay body guard! To protect her from Apollo. Good luck with that.
So, now were at the first Annual Bailey Bowl! Cynthia's field day for grown ups!
All of the women had the opportunity to assemble their own teams to compete. For no real prize! Just bragging rights! So, basically, everyone is a loser at the end of this competition!
All of the women on the cast have their own teams. And things got really interesting when Marlo shows up. And she's not there for team NeNe either! She's is on Kenya Moore's team. Team Twirl! And NeNe is through with Marlo because she thinks that she crossed the line by befriending Kenya! NeNe is so Bossy that it's disgusting!
So, they started off with an egg race and NeNe's team came in 1st, Cynthia's team came in 2nd and Porsha's came in 3rd! Which makes sense, because like I said. Kenya aint got no eggs!
Then, they start hoola hooping and sack racing. And Porsha team wins! So she starts Twerking! SWEET LORD JESUS! That ass looks like Heaven! And editing made sure to devote a good amount of time to the bootyliciousness! Which proves that not only gay men work at the Bravo Network!
So NeNe's team needed a confidence boost, so they started chanting "Team Rich!"
And Marlo ran over to NeNe and tried to jump on her back! And NeNe pushed her away and said, {Bullwinkle voice} no moose rides after 5PM! Bitch!
At this point, He Man is so mad that she started calling for Gregg, because she was red to go!
I thought that she was gonna throw that ugly ass wig on her head. But maybe on the next episode!
Anyways! Marlo chases NeNe down and tells her that she is a fake friend who walks around looking like Toupee Shakur!
Then went on to tell her that having a bad hair day is one thing, but NeNe is having a bad hair life! Because everyday is a bad hair day for NeNe!
And NeNe was so mad that she ripped her microphone off and threw it! And hit an old woman in the eye!
And that was pretty much it for this episode!
See you next time for the next review. And don't forget to comment
below
and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more Reality TV. news, reviews, recaps, and
opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle
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Blood Sweat and Heels | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Cocktail Wishes and Champagne Nightmares | Review Recap and Opinion
The show starts out in New York City, at EVR.
Krusty the clown, I mean Demetria, is planning her blog celebration with Brie. This is the 7th year of the "A Belle In Brooklyn" blog.
The plan is for it to be a flashy, and fun party, with between 300 and 350 guests. But not everyone is invited! She sent didn't send an invitation to Daisy or Mica. Because Demetria is a stuck up hater!
To make matters more complicated, Brie and Micas relationship is still on the rocks. But that's her friend from the mixed girl club so, they will be cool again soon!
Now we are visiting Mica's apartment with her bald headed boyfriend who didn't just cheat on her. He was in a 20 year relationship with another person! And hmm, cheddar cheese! Why does his voice sound just like a transsexual.
Mica's mother Evon, pronounced (EEE - VON) or Evan, when she is cross dressing. Pops up at the door, and gives this long, sickly, tragic mulatto a much needed hug!
Evon is visiting because her alcoholic daughter needs some support since
her abusive, alcoholic daddy died. And she's been having a total meltdown. And her friends are dropping all around her like a school shooting!
So, back int he day, Evon put Mica and her sister in a cab, and bounced, leaving the family business, a funeral home behind! They were broke holy and stinking! But it was better to be alive than dead from her abusive daddy killing up the family. We now know where Mica get's her home invasion and psychotic outburst from!
Anyway! Evon went and became a minister back then. Because if their is one group of suckers that are born every minute that you can easily steal money from, it's Christians!
Speaking of Christianity. Mica, who I can tell is a swallower, begins speaking in tongues! And she was like *speaking in tongues*, "Hun dida rung a bung. God hates retarded people! Hyla tiky taco turtle dogma goka larfa, I just go to Church for the drinks!"
And this is exactly what is wrong with Christianity. A preachers drunk of a daughter. Making fun of speaking with tongues. YEAH! Pretty much!
Anyway, Evon has been conned by that cheating, lying, sissy Terry. She tells Mica that she is happy that she found a kind bald headed man.
Little does she know, that he was cheating on her from day one! Mica is Blood Sweat and Heel's Amina Buddafly. A mixed girl, that is more forgiving than Jesus. That snagged her a loser that was in a previous relationship for ions!
To make matters worse. You can't tell me that Terry is not a homosexual! I bet you a thousand dollars that this dude was cheating with a man! All I know is that, I just hope that when they break up. I'll get my chance with Mica. Crazy bitches equals crazy head! Don't judge me!
Demetria is visiting Mylessa at MNS, Real Impact Real Estate.
The start cutting the crap, not really talking about much. Then the conversation shifted when Demetria asked Mylessa whether or not she has made a sale in Real Estate. And Mylessa's face went from a smile, to a mild stroke! I mean, if you've ever seen a hard dick go soft, yeah just like that!
Anyway, come to find out, Mylessa is a mentor to children. She has a book club where she meets up with the children and they discuss life and literature. I thought she was gonna say that they are currently reading the different magazines that she has prostituted in. But unfortunately, they're reading a book titled, The New Jim Crow.
Mylessa, like myself, has been a nerd since birth! In fact, when she was younger, she used to read dictionaries. I did too as a child, along with encyclopedias. I probably have more in common with her than I could ever imagine.
So Daisy calls up Mylessa. And she puts her on speaker phone.
Daisy invites them to her book celebration at the Tracy Reese store.
I'm left thinking, "Damn! These are some reading bitches!" Anyway!
Demetria says that she will be too busy to attend. Yeah, she's a liar. In reality, she feels daisy is a tad bit retarded.
In our next scene. We visit Daisy's house, her mother Rene is visiting from California. Then, Daisy's hair dresser Ashley shows up. With her over the top fineness! And she is the first hair dresser in history to have better hair than clients!
Usually hair dressers look like a character from a Wesley Snipes movie, or worse! Man, I miss the 90's! Wesley Snipes fucked up hair doo's gave me life!
Anyway, I had to do a double take on Rene, because she looked like S.N.I.K.A. You know? A SNIKA! "Some Nigga I Know Already!"
Or as white people would say, "a familiar face!"
I may be bad with names. But I always remember a butt, and or a face!
And her momma is that dude that sings Gangsta's Paradise! Yup! Rene is Coolio!
Daisy tells S.N.I.K.A. that Demetria is a stuck up bitch. And I cannot agree more! And Rene was like, basically, that fat girl doesn't matter and she informs Daisy that she would be at her book event.
Ashley asked if she can come too. And Daisy told her that no, she can't come because she is just hired help.
In our next scene, we visit Book Court. Mylessa and Demtria are coming by to speak to Mylessa's children from the book club.
One girl said that the jealous fat bitches at her school used to bully her for being skinny. Blah blah blah.
Then this one girl starts talking about the media, and then she goes into music, and I just wanna shit in the mouth of the idiot who planted that girl their to say some BS about young women dressing like little whores. and that it comes from the media.
Don't get it twisted. Blaming the media was fine until it opened up the flood gates, to have a ran in the ground discussion about rap music.
Some Mexican kid starting talking about rappers, "disrespecting women"
and saying stuff like, "THOT" which means, "That Hoe Over There!"
Funny thing about it, I'm a rapper, and I puked in my mouth when I found out what that meant! But it's cool, my little Mexican friend is generalizing us rappers. One generalization deserves another punk. So, it's only fair game that I think that he is going to grow up to mow lawns and sell oranges. You know, because. Well, lets just say, he needs a towel for his back. I swear we need stricter immigration laws.
So, Mylessa is trying to be a reformed whore. This book club is her way of redeeming herself from giving my generation soft core porn. She's trying to make everybody forget that she is a whore. You know, by going on a Reality TV. show, getting drunk and jumping on couches. Yeah nothing basic about that. You are completely respectable person Mylessa! Sure!
Mica and Evon are visiting a restaurant named Macelleri.
And Evon is wearing a very chunky, masculine necklace, that looks like something that I'd wear. She must be feeling like Evan today!
So, Evan went for a walk with Terry where he informed her about him being in a relationship with another person for 20 years, yet decided to date Mica on the side. Which is a perfect excuse for Mica to drink like a fish!
I just wonder what Evan is gonna say when she finds out that Terry was with a man!
Anyway, come to find out. Mica has been engaged 3 times, and got cheated on by all of them. Which means that she doesn't put out regularly. I suggest that she hires a maid with a fetish for tall, bald and bisexual black men. And when they do their business with each other they gotta keep the door shut so she doesn't see it!
Hey! It was just a suggestion! Don't judge me!
Anyways, seeing that Terry is a typical homosexual Mason, Evon thinks that Mica should hold on to him. Just not by his slipper bald head.
I feel for Mica. I really like her so far, I just think that she has layers upon layers of insecurities. And she needs to quit drinking, and learn how deal with her problems in healthier ways. But she appears to have a good heart, and I think that she is like one of the those ride or die type of friends for her peoples. Hell, she did something that I know I couldn't do! She forgive that homo for cheating on her, even though he was in a 20 year relationship! And that says a lot about Mica, she is one forgiving woman!
Now, were at Daisy's book event at the Tracy Reese store. And man, I gotta get this money ASAP! I am by no means a woman's SIMP! But God DAMN! When Mylessa was checking out them clothes, and wishing that she had it in her pocket right now to go shopping. I would have handed over my black card quicker that Wayne Brady!
Don't judge me!
So most of the cast was there, attending the event. And, if their was any doubt in my mind that Brie was a whore, she showed her true colors.
I mean, she stuck her tongue out and waved to Geneva when she walked in! And I have a theory about girls that go around sticking out their tongue when they're excited. It means that they have an oral fixation. Don't let her quietness fool you! Yeah, Brie is one of those quite whores. She'd pull a Monica Lewinsky, slurp it up, gulp it down and not tell, no body! See, I can pick em! I just need the image of her creepy face on a T-shirt!
So Melyssa needed an excuse to have a drink. So she started speaking some kind words about Daisy so that the room would toast the liquor! And Mica is already so drunk, that she looked down to make sure the floor was still there. And when she looked up and lifted her hand up, she spilled her drink all over Daisy at her own event!
You know, come to think of it. I guess this is how a drunk waters a flower! Get it? because her name is Daisy! HA HA! I guess MICA, M.I.C.A. is an acronym for My Insides Consist of Alcohol! I bet her breathalyzer number looks like high score on a pinball game! I mean, Mica has more shots in her than Tupac!
Anyway, Mica starts wiping Daisy off with her bare hand! And I'm pondering. You mean to tell me that these Bourgeoisie Negroes. Spent all of that money on Liquor, and couldn't budget in a napkin? I mean, seesh! Old Dirty Bastard from the Wu Tang Clan, came out of his mothers pussy, was on Welfare at 30. Riding around in limos with a food stamp card. And still got his hands on a napkin to put on his dick as a condom. (Yes he really did that) And these broads don't even have some toilet tissue or something? I want my money back!
So, Terry tells Brie that she needs to patch things up with Mica because mixed girls gotta stick together. Because the darkies already out number them. And then he played the sympathy card by mentioning that her daddy died and stuff so. You know, she has to forgive her! And Mica comes over to them. Then Geneva comes over. And she tells Terry to shut the fuck up! And go away before she tells everybody that hes the second coming of Ru Pual!
So, Now Mica and Geneva are talking alone. And Geneva is still pissed because Mica called her Wesley Snipes stunt double!
So they're arguing about a bunch of nothing when Geneva convention is upset about Mica putting her fingers up in the air, saluting The Vodka Viking aka the God of alcohol. . So, she told Mica that she'd break her long skinny finger off and shove it up her flat ass! And I'm left thinking, that I haven't seen a light skinned bitch do that much fingering since Alicia Keys was on tour! And when I say fingering, I don't mean playing the piano!
So Geneva walked away, before she went Blade on that big vampire looking bitch! I thought she was gonna trick Mica by saying, "Her girl, wanna grape?" And then throw one of her big ass eyes in Mica's mouth! But nah, she didn't think about it at the time! Anyway, Geneva left and took Brie with her!
After the party, we visit Mica's apartment in Harlem. And Terry is massaging Mica's big ass feet! Her first shoes as a baby were hand me downs from Bozo.
Anyway, Terry come to find out used to have a head full of hair. That was until Mica's mother found out that he was cheating on her daughter! So, she snatched his wig!
Mica gave baldamore an ultimatum. Either go to counseling with her or it's over! Because she's getting old, and the white in her is about to expire.
You, know, because white girls are like Cinderella. You meet them at the a ball, and they look like a million bucks! But when that clock strikes midnight! Her face is gone like Kurt Cobain! Yeah, white bitches age as gracefully as a hot refrigerator of food! Damn! Why girls stay losing!
So now were at Demetria's apartment in Brooklyn and she is there with her pet fiance Greg! For whatever reason, black dudes named Greg on reality TV have a few things in common. They're bitch made. They suck up to their woman and cower in her presents. And they always end up with a pretentious fat black bitch! Man, black dudes named Greg stay losing!
As a matter of fact. Fuck Gregory Hines! Just because his name Greg!
So, Demetria has on the prettiest dress that ever seen a fat bitch squeeze her self into. And when she turns around to show it off to that loser Greg, I peeped something! Demetria is a fat bitch with no ass! And that's a travesty! A fat chick with a pancake booty is like. Meeting a homeless person who wears cologne. It's just doesn't feel right!
Anyway, it's the 7th anniversary of her book and she has an event coming up, so producer will squeeze some conflict out of it. Guaranteed! Or at least they'll edit it to make t look like something crazy happened.
Now we visit Mylessas tiny 600 Square foot apartment. And come to find out. The average rent in the location where she lives is $2,895 a month! But, she'll be okay soon. As soon as I get this money! Yeah. Mylessa Ford will be a discontinued model. Because I'm taking her off of the market. I'm get my Old Spice man on. I'm gonna hop off my unicorn, shitting diamonds. And build her a house so big, her closet is gonna be 600 Square feet! Just you watch!
Anyway, while Mylessa is getting her long, luxurious hair done by her hair stylish Shakai. Daisy is visiting. and she can't figure out Demetria's beef with her! And it's simple. Daisy is positive energy and Demetria is negative energy. But she is the type of negative that thinks that it's positive. If that makes any sense!
So, Daisy lays back on Mylessa bed and feels something poking her!
And she pulls back the covers, and it's the Darth Vader of vibrators! That thing looked like the one that the web cam girls and porn stars rave about! You know, the Hitachi Magic Wand? Don't ask how I know that!
Daisy being the intrusive, bi curious slut that she is. Takes a good sniff of the vibrator! Sadly, she didn't lick it clean like a good girl. But she did put it up to her lips and began speaking into it like a microphone and Mylessa said, "wrong lips girl!" So, maybe Demetria is right about one thing. Daisy is a little bit dumb!
In our final scene, were at the cocktails with Belle event in Manhattan NY with Demetria. And this event is not only for her to meet and greet her fans. It's also about drinking and meeting cute guys! Yeah, she actually said this! I could have sworn that she was engaged! Oh, that's right! Her fiance's name is Greg! As you can see, he stays losing! She can't even sell books without thinking about cheating on him! That dude has lower self esteem than Mica.
Anyway, I don't know if she meant any cute guys there. But the women that she was taking pictures with! Wow, they were fine!
So, Daisy pops up from out of the ground, and when Demetria sees her she has a look on her face like she's in a room full of baby shit!
So we have to wait till next week to see if Demetria plays , "she loves me, she loves me not!" with Daisy's petals!
See you soon for the next review. And don't forget to comment
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The episode starts out with that fine ass Draya! And she is meeting up with Malaysia, who is an actual Basket Ball Wife! She's married to Jannero Pargo, and plays for those crappy Charlotte bobcats. I know nothing and care nothing about negro ball, but if their is one thing that I know about black ball, the Knicks and the Bob Cats suck ducks! Anyway, they sit down to have a chat about Jackie's recent event, which aired in episode 1. And the women were yelling at each other like the uncivilized whores that they are!
Anyway, the catty, but cute, little tragic mulatto, Draya, calls Brittish the "chubby girl". LMAO! And this is why no one likes you light skinned bitches! Really? The chubby girl? Wow, hungry bitches stay losing!
So, as Draya is telling Malaysia about the event, she brings up the part where Brittish asked her whether or not she is a hoe! And Draya is gonna go straight to Hell! She told Malaysia that she is not a hoe! God Damn! This is the biggest lie since 911 wasn't an inside job!
My impression of you being a whore is why I like you Draya! Don't ruin the image! Hearing you say no your not a whore was a boner killer! Until I realized that when a girl denies it the way that you did, well. Let's just say this. She's like the Bible, she's been seen in every hotel room in America! But unlike the Bible in a hotel room, she was actually opened!
Anyways, Draya warns Malaysia that Jackie is a sneaky trick that needs to be looked out for. Because now, she has these new recruits in her little group. She said that Jackies new gang is called, "The Jackets"! Because they wear jackets, even in he desert! So, Draya and Malaysia might need to form Ho-tron! You know, Ho Voltron! So she tells her to watch a sisters back! Stay close to walls, and, "stay low and keep firing!"
In our next scene Jackie meets up with Sundy! And Jackie is the wife of retired NBA player Doug Christie of the Los Angeles Lakers!
Anyway, nice to see yet another actual wife. They usually throw whatever black chick is getting the pipe at the moment, on these types of shows.
Someone needs to tell Sundy that the Winter Olympics are over, because she's wearing skiing Goggles disguised as sunglasses. Anyway, Jackie,tells Sundy that she wants to bring the women together! But she doesn't tell her why.Hmm, Cheddar cheese!
So, Brandy asked Sundy some personal questions based off of information that she retrieved from the internet. And Sundy wants Brandi to get her internet addicted ass off of Google and get to know her!
So, Sundy says that she meant Draya around 4 years ago in the strip clubs and her name was Miami at the time! So whatever information she gave Jackie about not being an erotic dancer, was in fact not true.
Yeah I knew she was a lying little sneaky whore lol! Draya just has that shifty look to her.
She meant Draya in Philly, where she was on all fours and begging for tips, like a dog! And much hasn't changed! She's still hustling her booty, but in new and more effective ways now!
Jackie is of course pretending to be shocked by this news! She said that she would have payed that sneaky snake a thousand dollars to strip at her wedding party! But Draya told Jackie that she knows nothing about poles (polls). In fact she doesn't even vote!
But forget all of that! I just wanna know who the lesbians in the background of the scene are! The one in the overalls can get it!
In our next scene, we visit Beverly Hills Health Center, Optima Diagnostic Imaging.
Brandi, who is accompanied by her husband Jason Maxiell of the Orlando Magic, has an appointment to see if she can have her second baby.
She wants a boy, but her husband wants a girl, so he can make her a dyke, spoil her rotten buy her a pick up truck and teach her how to change the oil and tires! And give her a diamond studded dildo. Yes he actually said this!
Before she can give birth to a hermaphrodite, she must first meet with Gynecologic Oncologist, Jennifer Lang! A Medical Doctor, with great hair, that gives me the whore vibe!
Anyway, that scary looking Dr. lets Malaysia know that the bad news is the tumor marker is notoriously unreliable. In other words, their technology sucks! And she's gonna die! No I'm kidding! She's fine for now. And the risk of recurrence of her tumors is so incredibly low right now.
So don't stress yourself with the thought of getting pregnant with tumors all up in your gut, and the baby coming out looking like it's covered in oatmeal! Then she told her that the only thing she has to worry about health wise is her big dick black husband beating her guts to goo!
After Malaysia gets the clearance from the IBF Dr., Jason can start busting nuts in her again!
So now Jackie, who obviously works for the Illuminati, is promoting more of the gay agenda. It seems like this show is about getting black bitches to fight. And gay people to fuck! They'll have a "gay wedding" on here in no time. Just you watch! Anyway, she has a GLAAD event coming up! You know, GLAAD. Gay, Lesbian, Annoying, Attention Demandors. Listen up gay people. No one cares that your gay! Their are real problems in the world! But I'll save that for another blog! HA HA!
So Jackie and her gang, "The Jackets" are scouting an expensive hotel to see whether or not it's a good place to have a gay Roman Orgy!
But forget all of that! I just wanna know why Jackie, during her interview confessionals is dressed like an Amish Mormon! Is this Basket Ball Wives or Sister Wives? Just asking!
Brandi, Ariane and Malaysia show up. And after some ugly ass white woman named Misty Mansouri, who looks like a man, shows the chicks the place, they sit down. Outside. Because they're black! And Ariane
is still talking about Draya screwing her ex. She claims that her
relationship wit him is, "complicated" at this point. Which means that they are fucking! And she caught feelings!
Anyway, Jackie informs the Jackets that they will be helping her with the event whether they like it or not. And the work that she is giving them is assigned as follows. Malaysia is to do the food because shes Anorexic. So she can trust that she wont eat it all up like those greedy heifers would! She put Brandi on gift bags because she's the only whore there that doesn't steal. And Ariane on Invites because like the equator, her pussy has been around the world! So, she knows everybody and their momma, and their dog too! And the fish. And the....
In other words. The Jackets do the work, while Jackie kicks back and takes all of the credit! She's using them the same way that she is using the gays! She should of married Todd from Real Housewives of Atlanta!
I
Now Sundy is out with her Daughter Deja and her son Derrick.
And Deja is already annoying me by her appearance alone. You can tell that she's a problem child, just by her retarded hair cut. It's a pony tail on top and shaved on one side. She's destined to be a failed musician. Black Miley Cyrus in the making right here! Just you watch!
Come to find out, Deja ran away from home and was going around suckling the penis! Like mother like daughter! Oh well! Sundy is very young so, she can try again!
Sundy is obviously a basic bitch of a mother because, she tried the weakest psychological manipulation techniques on her daughters mind. She says to her, in so many words, "when she hits the fan. Who are you going to call"
I thought she was gonna say, "Ghost Busters". But she ruined a perfectly set up joke and lied when she told her mother, "I call you". You know because this is TV. and a whore like Sundy needs to have her Cosby moment.
Deja couldn't handle it working the stroll, so she called up mommy dearest. And now she's back at the crib eating up her cereal. Sundy is waiting for right argument to kick her out!
In the next scene, Jackie meets up with Brittish, to go shopping at Modani.
Brittish and Jackie feel that Brandy is a trouble maker. And Brittish said that Brandi is outdated, played out, corny. and her weave is whack! Oh and her pussy stinks too!
Brittish is going to throw a Turkish Tea party. A perfect excuse for fat ass to eat. And even though she doesn't really like Brandi, she is reluctantly inviting her to her house. Regardless of the fact that she expects trouble with her!
In our next scene, Draya and Jackie are meeting up and going for a walk.
And Draya is really not feeling the new friends, aka The Jackets!
Her plan is to sit back, watch the fireworks happen, and let the other bitches crash and burn, while she makes smores and roasts weenies on the flames!
Draya is a thinking whore, she is nearly 30 and is ready to stop her whorish ways temporarily, snag her a rich man, then rob him later in divorce court.
Jackie acts like she is surprised that Draya is pretending to be in love and looking to learn how to settle down with one man. and Draya brings up a great point, if Jackie is on her third husband, and the third time was a charm for her. Then of course it can happen for a cute little thing in her prime like Draya. Who happens to know how to play the game and lie, manipulate, cheat and steal! As matter of fact, her name for the rest of this review is officially Playa!
Playa feels like a brain new bitch! Her skirts are long, she's wearing panties and she isn't fucking raw at the moment! But the condoms are about to come off, she has a 3 year or less countdown until she announces a pregnancy! She's determined to get that mans money! She is a seasoned Gold Digger!And it's about to go down!
We are meeting up with Brandi and Jason again. And she needs to see the IBF now to make sure she will be able to have some bad kids!
So, they meet up with fertility Specialist Mark Surrey, who looks more like a serial killer than a doctor! Well, then again if he's a doctor. Yeah, I'll stop right there! Anyway!
Brandi once had Ovarian cancer or, spotted eggs as I call it. And the Dr. had to do some testing to make sure she's okay down there.
And it looks like her ovaries weren't producing enough tissue but, she will most likely be able to have more children.
However the Dr. seems more concerned with her husband and his sperm!
The Dr. wants to play with Jason's balls! He wants to make good and sure that his nuts are pumping the man milk out just right! I bet $10 that when he provides his sperm sample to him, the Dr. takes a sip! They better have cameras up in there!
Draya is now meeting up with Jackie, they have been invited to Brittsh's roof top Hoe down! Extra emphasis on the word, Hoe!
Jackie feels that Brittish should apologize to Draya, even if she is annoying. But we know that that wont happen! Anyway, Draya feels like this may be a set up. But she's gonna bring her tazer, a bat and a Snoop Dogg CD to listen to on the way. So she will be prepared!
In our next scene, were at the Turkish party.
Brittish's boyfriend has been to a shit load of European places to play Black Ball. So she believes that she is cultured. Her man has played everyone just about. Including, Italy, turkey, Germany, Israel, Sweden and even crappy Russia.
The best part about her silly speech is the fact that, this hood rat, with a bullet wound on her right shoulder! Thinks that by going to these foreign places, that she isn't just cultured, but has superior life experiences to the other women! But in reality. Over there, in these foreign places, those people know that their culture is a joke! Just look at the water from Soschi! As a matter of fact, since Jackie is a Homo's best friend. Brittish needs to ask her what she thinks about Russia and they way that they are kicking the gays in the ass!
Dumb bitch!
Anyway, as I expected, she had a bunch of pastry out, like these fat girls need more starch! HELL Nah!
And why did this fat ass dare to show her mid drift like this? When she turned around to walk away, her body had more roles than an Eddie Murphy movie! Brittish needs to change her name to shittish! Because she's shaped like shit! Lumpy and Funky! Damn, that's like 2 of the dwarfs that gang banged Snow White! Lumpy and Funky!
Anyway, so the other whores show up and park it! All except Malaysia and Brandi. And when Playa arrived! Hmm! She looked like absolute divine perfection. And the other girls were hating! Especially that washed up Sundy! I'mma call her Sudsy!
Malaysia and Brandi show up and start greeting the other girls before they say hello to Brittish. And that's Brittish with 2 T's! Anyway, it's her house and they didn't say hi to her first! So, she feels shaded. In her mind, this was about as big of a fail, as her mother at a spelling bee!
So Brittish with two T's does not want to give Playa an apology. End of story! And Brandi asks Brittish, how in the Hell is not okay to ask Sudsy about her daughter kissing penis's. But it's okay to ask Playa, the Pony about how many men have saddled up on that ass?
Sudsy cuts Brandi off and starts asking her about her Googling her. Then shit hit the fan when she accused Brandi of being a stalker!
Sudsy is a complete idiot. She is an air head. who is attempting to put off the fact that she is a terrible mother. This bird is attempting to deflect the heat from thousands upon thousands of people laughing at her daughter kissing cocks on the internet, by slandering Brandis name by calling her a stalker.
Brittish lets Brandi know that from the moment that they meant, she just knew that she was one of those bitches that she wouldn't like! Kind of like hate at first sight. You know, some people have soul mates. And these two are soul enemies I guess.
Brandi tells Brittish that she's insecure because she's fatter than Raven Symone before she lost the weight. And she looks like a poor version of Nicki Minaj!
And according to Brittish or Shittish, Brandi is the insecure one, because she is walking around with Elegant tattooed on her back in Chinese or Japan! In other words, Nicki Manure over hear doesn't know that they speak Japanese in Japan! But what do you really expect from a woman whose mother spells Brittish with two T's and Iarth (Earth) with an I?
So Brittish tells Brandi that she can take her "nigga" if she wanted him!
Wow! So, one master can steal another slave? I mean, she sounded just like Slave Owner saying this. Anyway, Jason doesn't do fat bitches so, she's *buzzer sound* INCORRECT! She can't take anything, but a spotted ovarian cancer ridden egg in her fat mouth!
So, Sudsy and Brandi get up to leave. And after some more shit talking, Brittish hops up and takes her shoes off! She must have had stilts on underneath her skirt because, she was as tall as Naomi Cambell, and when she took her heels off, she was shorter than Snookie.
And Lord Jesus, even though they came close to pumping fist like the Jersey Shore! They thankfully didn't fight physically!
Thank you white Jesus! Thank you!
And that was pretty much it!
See you soon for the next review. And don't forget to comment
below
and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more celebrity news reviews, recaps, and
opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle
Plus, MySpace, or 2 cans with a string in the middle! In other words,
tell a fucking friend!
