Blood Sweat and Heels | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Cocktail Wishes and Champagne Nightmares | Review Recap and Opinion
The show starts out in New York City, at EVR.
Krusty the clown, I mean Demetria, is planning her blog celebration with Brie. This is the 7th year of the "A Belle In Brooklyn" blog.
The plan is for it to be a flashy, and fun party, with between 300 and 350 guests. But not everyone is invited! She sent didn't send an invitation to Daisy or Mica. Because Demetria is a stuck up hater!
To make matters more complicated, Brie and Micas relationship is still on the rocks. But that's her friend from the mixed girl club so, they will be cool again soon!
Now we are visiting Mica's apartment with her bald headed boyfriend who didn't just cheat on her. He was in a 20 year relationship with another person! And hmm, cheddar cheese! Why does his voice sound just like a transsexual.
Mica's mother Evon, pronounced (EEE - VON) or Evan, when she is cross dressing. Pops up at the door, and gives this long, sickly, tragic mulatto a much needed hug!
Evon is visiting because her alcoholic daughter needs some support since
her abusive, alcoholic daddy died. And she's been having a total meltdown. And her friends are dropping all around her like a school shooting!
So, back int he day, Evon put Mica and her sister in a cab, and bounced, leaving the family business, a funeral home behind! They were broke holy and stinking! But it was better to be alive than dead from her abusive daddy killing up the family. We now know where Mica get's her home invasion and psychotic outburst from!
Anyway! Evon went and became a minister back then. Because if their is one group of suckers that are born every minute that you can easily steal money from, it's Christians!
Speaking of Christianity. Mica, who I can tell is a swallower, begins speaking in tongues! And she was like *speaking in tongues*, "Hun dida rung a bung. God hates retarded people! Hyla tiky taco turtle dogma goka larfa, I just go to Church for the drinks!"
And this is exactly what is wrong with Christianity. A preachers drunk of a daughter. Making fun of speaking with tongues. YEAH! Pretty much!
Anyway, Evon has been conned by that cheating, lying, sissy Terry. She tells Mica that she is happy that she found a kind bald headed man.
Little does she know, that he was cheating on her from day one! Mica is Blood Sweat and Heel's Amina Buddafly. A mixed girl, that is more forgiving than Jesus. That snagged her a loser that was in a previous relationship for ions!
To make matters worse. You can't tell me that Terry is not a homosexual! I bet you a thousand dollars that this dude was cheating with a man! All I know is that, I just hope that when they break up. I'll get my chance with Mica. Crazy bitches equals crazy head! Don't judge me!
Demetria is visiting Mylessa at MNS, Real Impact Real Estate.
The start cutting the crap, not really talking about much. Then the conversation shifted when Demetria asked Mylessa whether or not she has made a sale in Real Estate. And Mylessa's face went from a smile, to a mild stroke! I mean, if you've ever seen a hard dick go soft, yeah just like that!
Anyway, come to find out, Mylessa is a mentor to children. She has a book club where she meets up with the children and they discuss life and literature. I thought she was gonna say that they are currently reading the different magazines that she has prostituted in. But unfortunately, they're reading a book titled, The New Jim Crow.
Mylessa, like myself, has been a nerd since birth! In fact, when she was younger, she used to read dictionaries. I did too as a child, along with encyclopedias. I probably have more in common with her than I could ever imagine.
So Daisy calls up Mylessa. And she puts her on speaker phone.
Daisy invites them to her book celebration at the Tracy Reese store.
I'm left thinking, "Damn! These are some reading bitches!" Anyway!
Demetria says that she will be too busy to attend. Yeah, she's a liar. In reality, she feels daisy is a tad bit retarded.
In our next scene. We visit Daisy's house, her mother Rene is visiting from California. Then, Daisy's hair dresser Ashley shows up. With her over the top fineness! And she is the first hair dresser in history to have better hair than clients!
Usually hair dressers look like a character from a Wesley Snipes movie, or worse! Man, I miss the 90's! Wesley Snipes fucked up hair doo's gave me life!
Anyway, I had to do a double take on Rene, because she looked like S.N.I.K.A. You know? A SNIKA! "Some Nigga I Know Already!"
Or as white people would say, "a familiar face!"
I may be bad with names. But I always remember a butt, and or a face!
And her momma is that dude that sings Gangsta's Paradise! Yup! Rene is Coolio!
Daisy tells S.N.I.K.A. that Demetria is a stuck up bitch. And I cannot agree more! And Rene was like, basically, that fat girl doesn't matter and she informs Daisy that she would be at her book event.
Ashley asked if she can come too. And Daisy told her that no, she can't come because she is just hired help.
In our next scene, we visit Book Court. Mylessa and Demtria are coming by to speak to Mylessa's children from the book club.
One girl said that the jealous fat bitches at her school used to bully her for being skinny. Blah blah blah.
Then this one girl starts talking about the media, and then she goes into music, and I just wanna shit in the mouth of the idiot who planted that girl their to say some BS about young women dressing like little whores. and that it comes from the media.
Don't get it twisted. Blaming the media was fine until it opened up the flood gates, to have a ran in the ground discussion about rap music.
Some Mexican kid starting talking about rappers, "disrespecting women"
and saying stuff like, "THOT" which means, "That Hoe Over There!"
Funny thing about it, I'm a rapper, and I puked in my mouth when I found out what that meant! But it's cool, my little Mexican friend is generalizing us rappers. One generalization deserves another punk. So, it's only fair game that I think that he is going to grow up to mow lawns and sell oranges. You know, because. Well, lets just say, he needs a towel for his back. I swear we need stricter immigration laws.
So, Mylessa is trying to be a reformed whore. This book club is her way of redeeming herself from giving my generation soft core porn. She's trying to make everybody forget that she is a whore. You know, by going on a Reality TV. show, getting drunk and jumping on couches. Yeah nothing basic about that. You are completely respectable person Mylessa! Sure!
Mica and Evon are visiting a restaurant named Macelleri.
And Evon is wearing a very chunky, masculine necklace, that looks like something that I'd wear. She must be feeling like Evan today!
So, Evan went for a walk with Terry where he informed her about him being in a relationship with another person for 20 years, yet decided to date Mica on the side. Which is a perfect excuse for Mica to drink like a fish!
I just wonder what Evan is gonna say when she finds out that Terry was with a man!
Anyway, come to find out. Mica has been engaged 3 times, and got cheated on by all of them. Which means that she doesn't put out regularly. I suggest that she hires a maid with a fetish for tall, bald and bisexual black men. And when they do their business with each other they gotta keep the door shut so she doesn't see it!
Hey! It was just a suggestion! Don't judge me!
Anyways, seeing that Terry is a typical homosexual Mason, Evon thinks that Mica should hold on to him. Just not by his slipper bald head.
I feel for Mica. I really like her so far, I just think that she has layers upon layers of insecurities. And she needs to quit drinking, and learn how deal with her problems in healthier ways. But she appears to have a good heart, and I think that she is like one of the those ride or die type of friends for her peoples. Hell, she did something that I know I couldn't do! She forgive that homo for cheating on her, even though he was in a 20 year relationship! And that says a lot about Mica, she is one forgiving woman!
Now, were at Daisy's book event at the Tracy Reese store. And man, I gotta get this money ASAP! I am by no means a woman's SIMP! But God DAMN! When Mylessa was checking out them clothes, and wishing that she had it in her pocket right now to go shopping. I would have handed over my black card quicker that Wayne Brady!
Don't judge me!
So most of the cast was there, attending the event. And, if their was any doubt in my mind that Brie was a whore, she showed her true colors.
I mean, she stuck her tongue out and waved to Geneva when she walked in! And I have a theory about girls that go around sticking out their tongue when they're excited. It means that they have an oral fixation. Don't let her quietness fool you! Yeah, Brie is one of those quite whores. She'd pull a Monica Lewinsky, slurp it up, gulp it down and not tell, no body! See, I can pick em! I just need the image of her creepy face on a T-shirt!
So Melyssa needed an excuse to have a drink. So she started speaking some kind words about Daisy so that the room would toast the liquor! And Mica is already so drunk, that she looked down to make sure the floor was still there. And when she looked up and lifted her hand up, she spilled her drink all over Daisy at her own event!
You know, come to think of it. I guess this is how a drunk waters a flower! Get it? because her name is Daisy! HA HA! I guess MICA, M.I.C.A. is an acronym for My Insides Consist of Alcohol! I bet her breathalyzer number looks like high score on a pinball game! I mean, Mica has more shots in her than Tupac!
Anyway, Mica starts wiping Daisy off with her bare hand! And I'm pondering. You mean to tell me that these Bourgeoisie Negroes. Spent all of that money on Liquor, and couldn't budget in a napkin? I mean, seesh! Old Dirty Bastard from the Wu Tang Clan, came out of his mothers pussy, was on Welfare at 30. Riding around in limos with a food stamp card. And still got his hands on a napkin to put on his dick as a condom. (Yes he really did that) And these broads don't even have some toilet tissue or something? I want my money back!
So, Terry tells Brie that she needs to patch things up with Mica because mixed girls gotta stick together. Because the darkies already out number them. And then he played the sympathy card by mentioning that her daddy died and stuff so. You know, she has to forgive her! And Mica comes over to them. Then Geneva comes over. And she tells Terry to shut the fuck up! And go away before she tells everybody that hes the second coming of Ru Pual!
So, Now Mica and Geneva are talking alone. And Geneva is still pissed because Mica called her Wesley Snipes stunt double!
So they're arguing about a bunch of nothing when Geneva convention is upset about Mica putting her fingers up in the air, saluting The Vodka Viking aka the God of alcohol. . So, she told Mica that she'd break her long skinny finger off and shove it up her flat ass! And I'm left thinking, that I haven't seen a light skinned bitch do that much fingering since Alicia Keys was on tour! And when I say fingering, I don't mean playing the piano!
So Geneva walked away, before she went Blade on that big vampire looking bitch! I thought she was gonna trick Mica by saying, "Her girl, wanna grape?" And then throw one of her big ass eyes in Mica's mouth! But nah, she didn't think about it at the time! Anyway, Geneva left and took Brie with her!
After the party, we visit Mica's apartment in Harlem. And Terry is massaging Mica's big ass feet! Her first shoes as a baby were hand me downs from Bozo.
Anyway, Terry come to find out used to have a head full of hair. That was until Mica's mother found out that he was cheating on her daughter! So, she snatched his wig!
Mica gave baldamore an ultimatum. Either go to counseling with her or it's over! Because she's getting old, and the white in her is about to expire.
You, know, because white girls are like Cinderella. You meet them at the a ball, and they look like a million bucks! But when that clock strikes midnight! Her face is gone like Kurt Cobain! Yeah, white bitches age as gracefully as a hot refrigerator of food! Damn! Why girls stay losing!
So now were at Demetria's apartment in Brooklyn and she is there with her pet fiance Greg! For whatever reason, black dudes named Greg on reality TV have a few things in common. They're bitch made. They suck up to their woman and cower in her presents. And they always end up with a pretentious fat black bitch! Man, black dudes named Greg stay losing!
As a matter of fact. Fuck Gregory Hines! Just because his name Greg!
So, Demetria has on the prettiest dress that ever seen a fat bitch squeeze her self into. And when she turns around to show it off to that loser Greg, I peeped something! Demetria is a fat bitch with no ass! And that's a travesty! A fat chick with a pancake booty is like. Meeting a homeless person who wears cologne. It's just doesn't feel right!
Anyway, it's the 7th anniversary of her book and she has an event coming up, so producer will squeeze some conflict out of it. Guaranteed! Or at least they'll edit it to make t look like something crazy happened.
Now we visit Mylessas tiny 600 Square foot apartment. And come to find out. The average rent in the location where she lives is $2,895 a month! But, she'll be okay soon. As soon as I get this money! Yeah. Mylessa Ford will be a discontinued model. Because I'm taking her off of the market. I'm get my Old Spice man on. I'm gonna hop off my unicorn, shitting diamonds. And build her a house so big, her closet is gonna be 600 Square feet! Just you watch!
Anyway, while Mylessa is getting her long, luxurious hair done by her hair stylish Shakai. Daisy is visiting. and she can't figure out Demetria's beef with her! And it's simple. Daisy is positive energy and Demetria is negative energy. But she is the type of negative that thinks that it's positive. If that makes any sense!
So, Daisy lays back on Mylessa bed and feels something poking her!
And she pulls back the covers, and it's the Darth Vader of vibrators! That thing looked like the one that the web cam girls and porn stars rave about! You know, the Hitachi Magic Wand? Don't ask how I know that!
Daisy being the intrusive, bi curious slut that she is. Takes a good sniff of the vibrator! Sadly, she didn't lick it clean like a good girl. But she did put it up to her lips and began speaking into it like a microphone and Mylessa said, "wrong lips girl!" So, maybe Demetria is right about one thing. Daisy is a little bit dumb!
In our final scene, were at the cocktails with Belle event in Manhattan NY with Demetria. And this event is not only for her to meet and greet her fans. It's also about drinking and meeting cute guys! Yeah, she actually said this! I could have sworn that she was engaged! Oh, that's right! Her fiance's name is Greg! As you can see, he stays losing! She can't even sell books without thinking about cheating on him! That dude has lower self esteem than Mica.
Anyway, I don't know if she meant any cute guys there. But the women that she was taking pictures with! Wow, they were fine!
So, Daisy pops up from out of the ground, and when Demetria sees her she has a look on her face like she's in a room full of baby shit!
So we have to wait till next week to see if Demetria plays , "she loves me, she loves me not!" with Daisy's petals!
See you soon for the next review. And don't forget to comment below and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more celebrity news reviews, recaps, and opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle Plus, MySpace, or 2 cans with a string in the middle! In other words, tell a fucking friend!
