Love and Hip Hop | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Put A Ring On It | Review | Recap | Opinion
Warning! This episode annoyed me, I really didn't want to do this review. I hope that the next episode is much better. Moving along....
The episode starts out where it left off. At Time Square with Tahiry "my mom didn't give me a middle name", Jose and Joe "down low" Budden. Joe is proposing to Tahiry. While chewing gum! Some people can't walk and chew gum at the same time. Joe can say that when he was a young man, he chewed gum and proposed to an out of shape, over the hill booty model with a triple chin.
Despite persistent begging from Tahiry for Joe to not poop the question, he went ahead and asked her to marry him anyway!
And she let him know that she trust him as far as she can throw him! With Saigon's little ass arms! Which aint no where!
Joe lets Tahiry know that he tried, he did his part yada yada yada. In other words, he is trying to make her feel as if it's her fault that things didn't work out.
And even though she technically didn't utter the word, "no". He accepted her, "I don't trust you speech as a no."
In our next scene we visit OK Cigars in SoHo NYC. Peter, a man who survives on eating nothing but pussy! And his little bite sized friend, Saigon. Are meeting up outside of the cigar shop on a bench.
These two idiots are catching up on whats been going on in their lives recently. Such as, Tara showing up at the club, dressed like Miley Cyrus's stunt woman. And prancing around with her new sex toy, Aaron.
And Saigon, out of no where asks Peter about Amina Buddafly's sex game. And I can tell you this for sure, that chick fucks and sucks like a porn star. But you never ever tell your male friend some shit like that, so Peter plays it off and tells Saigon that in so many words, the sex is "fine". I for one know that, "fine" is code word for she gets down like Katja Kassin or Sasha Grey.
Seeing that Peter didn't take the bait for Saigon's intrusive question. Saigon attempts to lighten up the conversation with some Bull Shit about Germans making good porn. And to just look up GGG, or German Goo Girls if he doesn't believe him!. Yeah. So Saigon then tells Peter that he has the world in the palm of his fetus sized hand. Thanks to Google!
Then Saigon tells Peter, "I'm good on the internet. I'm even able to diagnose mental disabilities in babies" Yada yada yada. All the while, Peter just rolled his eyes and tells Saigon to move along and tell him what's new with him.
So, Saigon lets Peter know that the therapist said that his son Lil B needs to be stimulated more. Like taught something other than his dad calling his mom a fake butt, fake bag carrying whore. Apparently that doesn't constitute stimulation according to Dr. Chloe Carmichael. As for Saigon and Erica's relationship, they are getting to know each other better. Things such as, if you sit a cup on the floor Saigon can dunk a ball in it, and Erica can whistle Mozart through her gap! What a talented couple! No wonder the baby can build a house by using his head as a hammer, his mothers gap as a wrench and his daddy as a door stop!
Nah, I'm kidding. And no one cares about Saigon's life!He doesn't even re-watch his own scenes!
So now we are at a Hotel in SoHo NYC. It's Cynthia Santana's birthday. And she walks up in the building to find a trail of rose pedals that go all the way up a huge flight of stairs! And of course, Cynthia bent her big ass down, and picked up a few rose pedals to eat along the way!
When she done huffing and puffing her chubby flaps of meat, all the way up those 15 or so stairs. She greets Erica Mena with that infamous fake lesbian kiss. You know, the one where they grab each others faces? Yeah, that one!
Anyway, Erica either bought, or made Cynthia some outdated, really crappy, Dancing With The Stairs, dancer looking dress. It's almost a nude color and covered with cheap stones! Perfect for the average tacky Latina in your life!
Now the two whores are at Starlet's Gentleman's Club. Having the time of their lives! And Cyn is so happy to have a day off from thugging! She is away from her violent, crazy, piss smelling projects that she is usually confined to! She's so happy to not have to cut someone, or shoot anybody for a day! She's just happy to enjoy life for once! You know? Have a Happy Birthday with alcohol, a fake lesbian friend, ill fitting, poorly designed clothing, all on a staged reality TV. show! I wouldn't be surprised if it's not even her real birthday!
So, Erica lets Cyn know that this is just a taste, just a lick, just a peck kiss of whats to cum if she continues along with the soul selling! Cyn, then tells Erica that she will give her her afterlife, if Erica is loyal to her.
And after some more fake kissing and face grabbing, we move on.
Now were at Vinnie Style's in Brooklyn. Erica Mena is meeting up with her gay best friend and stylist AlBee. Al Bee damned if he isn't gay as fuck! Anyway she is so stressed out about her corny love triangle, that she is flaring her big old coke snorkeling nostrils!
So Erica let's gay Al know that she loves having Cynthia, the pussy eating attack bitch around! But AlBee tells her that as a homosexual, pussy is cool and all, but he knows from first hand and first lip experience dick is addicting! That's why dick is in the middle of the addiction! He then goes on to tell Erica that she knows damn well that she wants more of Rich Dollaz pale penis!
But enough of all of that. Here is where the episode finally gets good.
In our next scene, we are treated to the sound of a remote control car, Saigon is pulling up to Erica Jean and her daddies house and his toy car is almost out of bat trees, "battery's". So he undoes his seat belt and walks down the stairs on the side of his little car and steps out with a bouquet of flowers. Now, I don't know why a man meeting the father of his girlfriend would want to bring his potential daddy in law a fistful of flowers. But hey, It's Saigon! The guy with a degree in googling.
So, Saigon walks his oompa loompa sized ass up to the fence. He tries to be hood, and hop it! But he hit his head on some grass! Get's pissed, dust the dirt off of his shoulder and approaches the door. When he finally walks the 20 feet from the yard to the front door. Which took him about 2 hours. He rang the door bell with a stick, so he could reach it. Erica Opens the door. Nearly steps on him, says sorry. She then picks him up and brings him inside.
He tells her to not ask about the dirt on all over him. And then hands her the flowers and says, put these to the side. I need both of these little useless arms free in case I have to pull a Zimmerman, and whip your daddy's old crusty ass!
At this point, I thought that Erica's father was gonna pop up with a long flowing gray beard like them dudes in the Kung Fu films! I totally thought that he was gonna pop up in an Army fatigue, wearing a helmet and holding a baseball bat! But nah, he was just some old ass ninja wearing slippers and pajamas! How fucking disappointing.
So, Saigon and Daddy Jean finally meet. And before Saigon can even say, "hello". Erica's father says, "well, I can see that we have a lot in common. Young man. We both love my daughter, we both love my grand son, we both enjoy wearing cheap, outdated denim shirts. And neither one of us has a neck!"
So Head and Shoulders aka Saigon turns towards daddy Jean and says, "Yeah, everybody tells me that having no neck is a disability. Because when we eat, we don't swallow. We merely place food in our mouths and hold our head back! But hey, like I tell people, aint nothing like frustrating a Vampire. The look in their eyes when they figure out that they have nothing to bite is priceless! Oh and thank for inviting me to your no neck of the woods."
Anyway, So Robbie, Erica Jeans father, asks Saigon about how in the world he was able to get Erica pregnant at his size. And Saigon let him know that yes, he has fallen inside of her on multiple occasions. And the way that he got her pregnant was through a term he read on goggle called a splash conception!
*clears throat*
So, Saigon asks Robbie if its cool if his daughter and grandson move in with him. He told Saigon, "sure"! Then he told them, "I already have your shit packed!" Now Robbie can have Saigons mortal enemy, Joe Budden come over with Joe's dad, and they can bring the hoes! He then told Saigon to leave the way that he came in, the doggy door. Ripped his robe off in front of production and did a naked hand stand! While screaming, "I'M FREE!" "That annoying greedy bitch and that fucking hollering baby talking that DAH, DAH DAH, shit! All God damned day are finally gone!" Then he shaved his head, poured gasoline on all over his naked body, and exclaimed that he's the Anti Christ and set himself on fire. At least that's how I saw the it!
In our next scene we visit Amaze in Midtown NYC.
Erica is having a party for her 2nd book. Chronicles of a confirmed fake lesbian whore! I mean Chronicles of a confirmed Bachelorette. And the cover features a half naked Erica Mena, with a light skinned guy in the background with no shirt, on and a hot Latina on the floor holding onto Erica's hand. So, basically those people on the book with her are there to represent Richard Dollaz and Cynthia Santana!
So anyway, Rashidah is throwing this get together, and with her violent, cutting bouncers up and credit card number stealing, ultra grimy past, this wont turn out too well. Wherever Rashidah goes, weave, the scent of food and drama follows.
Anyway, Rich shows up because theirs free drinks! Rich is such an alcoholic that he can smell the alcohol in mouth wash..... with the cap on!
So, Erica, whose lips look like a crusty old woman's vagina, lets Rich know that he was foul for leaving her in that restaurant crying like a baby the other day. And basically, she needs him to kiss her ass so that she will stop playing hard to get, and stop humping her stuffed animal aka Cynthia. Because she's feeling Rich more than she's feeling Cyn because, latex dick is making her chafe down there!
And then she goes into this total bull shit speech. Where she is calling herself getting on Riches good side. She starts telling Rich what she thinks that he wants to hear.
And with that said, I am calling a timeout to say this. Women, when you are dealing with a man. Always tell him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Women like to be lied to, not men. Women are delusional and not want to be told that they are fat, or look ridiculous and what not. Men on the other hand are attracted to honesty. The way to a woman's heart and vagina is through is deception. Not a mans. And I know that easily more than half of the women that read my blog and watch my videos wont take what I just said seriously. And will tell themselves that they just need to become better liars, but that is not the way to do things.
So anyway, she is completely bull shitting Rich, and telling him that she loves him, and how he is a big part of her life, yada yada yada. Erica is being extremely flirtatious and disrespectful. And this right here women, is why men don't want for their woman to have any contact with her ex. Anyway, Cyn walks up with perfect timing to catch Erica acting like herself, a slut.
And Cynthia is all like, damn. I might be chubby as hell and insecure as fuck! But I didn't come here to see the two of you acting like a couple. And Cyn lets Rich know that she wants to sit down and talk to him. At first, Rich was reluctant, as he made the infamous Jay z, "stink face". But he agrees to talk with Cynthia.
And Cynthia let Rich know that him kissing with Erica Mena was corny. Yada yada yada! The bitch said "corny" too many times to count! Rich just sat there looking drunk and crazy because, he wanted to say that Latina's are dumb and have small vocabularies. So, instead of sounding like a "racist', he just bit his tongue!
So, Erica pops up and plops her fake ass down in between these two.
And Cynthia let out the c word again! No, not Chiptole, she said, "corny" AGAIN! I am not sure of whether or not Richard was called corny when he was a child but, at this point he had enough and dude flipped the fuck out!
He went off on Cyn! He told her that she was fat and retarded, and a coke head. I'm shitting you! He told her that she was a bird, a mail order bride and that he lent Erica to her.
Most viewers probably didn't notice the little trick question that Cynthia threw in there, she asked Rich whether or not he was trying to hurt her feeling. Most people probably thought she said feelings, but she didn't, she said feeling. She has 1 feeling, and that's the feeling of being full after eating all of that food and pussy!
So, Erica told him to just leave! And When Rich gets up and walks out of the club. Erica follows him and out of no where. Rich jumps on Erica like a hungry lion and starts kissing all over her. I have never seen a man kiss rape a woman. But I guess Rich is an innovator!
In our next scene, Joe Budden hops off of a New Jersey transit bus and visits his mother, Faye. At her apartment in Jersey City New Jersey. And Faye has on the ugliest pink glasses of all time! But, I'll get back to her appearance in a later scene.
Joe tells Faye that basically, Tahiry said, "no" to marrying him. And that her words and actions don't match. And I feel bad for Budden. I can tell you this, Tahiry found a new guy, possibly at her movie shooting. And she just didn't tell Joe yet. Watch her pop up with some sucker, probably another sissy in season 5.
So, now were at Vella, at the Upper East Side of New York City.
Tara and Yandy are meeting up to have an average black woman conversation. "Girl my man is messed up!" "Girl my man is messed up too!"
Yandy, the fool sat up there and told Tara that she looked amazing when she was dressed like a trailer park Cheerleader the other night. Of course that ugly, insecure, mole faced bitch Tara took the bait.
These two idiots are supposed to be the upper echelon of black womanhood. They aren't bald headed, they went to school. They are well spoken and can financially take care of themselves and their children. Whoop dee doo!
Of all of the men in the world for them to chose from. Yandy laid down with a drug dealer who is being accused of being invovled with over 2 million dollars of drugs being trafficked, and or sold. And Tara is in a relationship with a habitual liar, cheater, felon with 7 children. And you wonder why I'm going to marry me a Korean chick? Oh and I forgot to mention. Tara started out as the other woman.
So anyway, this idiot Yandy has the nerve to say that her and Tara were forced into their situations. WOW! So, I guess they were forced at dick point! A dick to the head, and the command, "stick your legs up!" Then Yandy the retard took her stupidity to a whole new level when she said that their men have made them the women what they have become.
You know... statistics!
So, in a nut shell, Yandy admitted to the world that stupid black women that like no good men. Chose to be with these men because it's some sort of test or competition to see how much unnecessary punishment that a bitch can endure!
It's the Special Olympics for hair hats. It's like, getting your clit pierced, and putting a lighter, to the metal in your crotch! Anyway, Then she starts talking that stupid, "strong woman" shit.
Basically, these crazy bitches think that they are the "hero" if they are in a relationship with a loser. Because the credit from, raising a grown up baby man, taking care of the children while having a job, will go to them. And if they were to be with a decent man, he will steal her, "glory". So she can't be with a decent man because, being with a shitty one opens the door for her to receive credit for "saving the day". Wow, these are some twisted bitches!
Anyway, we leave that depressing scene, that made me feel sick and kind of pissed me off at the same time. To see some pure comedy! My favorite superhero show! Midget Man and the Gap-enator!
Yeah! We are at Saigon's toy box of an apartment in Nanuet New York!
Fabrizio Conte is shooting a music video with Saigon, Erica Jean and their baby.
The trio are seated at Saigon's table with food that he made with his easy bake oven!
What makes this scene so funny is that when the director says, "cut". Saigon awkwardly picks up his fork as if he is going to eat some of that disgusting looking slop. But he never takes a bite of that waste! They can't seriously have cooked that shit. Must have been left over food from you know whose gap.
So, Saigon is tired of Erica going home. He wants a permanent slumber party! With onsies and all! Saigon is lonely! Anyway, Erica thought about the whole her moving in thing and she thinks that it is a good idea! And I think she is down right Goofy! This asshole shoots a little no budget music video in his apartment and here she is ready to move in with him. The same little psycho, Chocolate Chucky, that just threw her bag and called her a fake butt bitch a few episode ago.
But she forgave him for that. She just has one request for Saigon, no more women. Saigon replies by saying that he'd rahter have a family, over having some ass. Then he says some bull shit about wanting his child to have a better life than he did. You know, growing up a little person, and with no parents to boot. And Erica just roles her eyes into the air and says "aww" to what he's saying. Ahem, and this is why I will be marrying an Asian woman. These, "black", chicks don't give a fuck about us. She was just like yeah, umm, no one cares Saigon.
Anyway so, now Saigon and Erica Jean are together, in a committed relationship. And Saigon said something that will go over most peoples heads, he said that he was in 2 relationships and he did not cheat. WOW! So, does he mean that he was in2 relationships in his whole lifetime? Or was he in a relationship with both of the mothers of his children, that are1 month apart at the same time?
Who knows!
The best part about this scene is when Saigon asks Erica to sleep with him.
He told her that his balls are heavier than Aliyah's airplane!
In the next scene, that sexy ass Amina Buddafly, who looks just like a Vulture, and that dirty Peter Gunz are in Jersey City New Jersey to check out an apartment. And while looking at a second bedroom, Peter's first thoughts were, "yeah, this could be a music studio". And the real estate agent, and Amina were thinking, that the room could be a nice nursery!
Pitiful Peter already has 7 children. So busting a nut in Amina and creating the 8th wonder isn't on his list of plans for the near future! Remember, Amina is supposed to be his "vacation" away from his normal life. And here Amina, his stress reliever is messing up his fun with baby talk.
Peter brings up an interesting point. He states that he has been having children non stop as if he is on a schedule. And his balls need a break! Sounds like he needs to switch places with Saigon. Hell, Saigon all ready eluded to wanting to fuck Amina anyway! Let him make the baby with Amina!
Anyway, come to find out, the mothers of Peters children were in this order. Gina, Erica, Tara and now Amina. And that ironically spells. GET A...
All he needs to do now is get with a Veronica, Adria, Sara, Emma, Cathy, Tonya, Octavia, Mary, and Yara. And that spells G.E.T. A. V.E.S.E.C.TO.M.Y. Yes, Peter should get a vasectomy.
So, Amina is ready to sign the paper work for the apartment and Peter is ready to run away! Peter is allgedly, team, no more babies. Well Peter. Go get the snip!
In the next scene, after about a week after Joe Budden's failure of an album, I mean failure of a marriage proposal!
Tahiry visits Joe's mother, Faye at her little cramped apartment in the projects! She's sitting on that nasty booger green couch! Looking like, baby shit mixed with mustard! Joe really needs to buy his mother a couch for Christmas! And Tahiry has this ridiculous head wrap on. Looking like a Genie in a 40oz bottle!
Faye has on a very interesting sweater, it's pink and nasty, and itchy looking. But I'll go lite on Faye because, she has yet to tick me off. So, I'll be nice with my critiques of her ugly sweater and them snakes on her head!
Anyway, Faye is basically trying to psychologically manipulate Tahiry into rethinking the, "no" that she gave Joe Budden about marriage! Wow lady! You wanna make this chick feel guilty? It's not like Tahiry is a good catch or anything. And I am not saying this because she is allegedly married to some other guy named Nicholas J. Brown, and the thing about her allegedly spreading Herpes like butter on a hot muffin! You didn't hear that from me!
Anyway, in a nut shell, she isn't sure of what she is going to do at this point
In our next scene our favorite fake lesbian and officially my favorite fake pop princess, is lip synching in the booth to a song that has been that's had more fine tuning that Joan Rivers face!
Anyway, I will have to record some music at Stadium Red in Harlem NYC. I mean. Any studio that can make a bitch whose singing voice sounds like Dolphins eating razors while swimming in gasoline, actually sound listenable. Well, anyone can sound good there.
Anyway, they are discussing the mess that happened where Rich nearly raped Erica at the launch of her second book. Rich had the nerve to say that his forced kisses were mutual and consensual. Tragic Mulatto. But Erica the slut loves the attention of course! So, she's cool with it!
Erica, with her ugly greenish yellowish eye shadow is just sitting up there in the studio on that mixing board, like queen slut! She's as happy as a hooker drowning in a sea of diamond studded dicks!
Anyway, after a tiny bit of convincing and couple pulls of Erica's delicate wrist. She sits her big fake butt on Riches lap. After a bunch of corny flirting, these two losers agree to keep annoying us.
In our final scene we visit Tara's apartment. Peter is standing outside waiting for her. She is jogging, returning home from a run. And when she arrives, sheis extremely embarrassed, because she doesn't have her face on! I mean, without make up, hair and wardrobe Tara looks worst that Felecia the crack head in Friday!
Peter is continuing to psychologically manipulate Tara, he claims that his relationship with Amina has cost him his family and his children. Yada Yada Yada, what a bunch of bull shit! They pretend to be broken up for now. And before I shit and throw up on myself, I have to go!
Tara, looks like an old, hungry homeless squirrel in this scene, and I just can't bare to talk about it anymore.
See you next week for the next review. And don't forget to comment below and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more reviews, recaps, and opinions! And if you likey, share the video on Facebook, Twitter, Goggle Plus, MySpace, or 2 cans with a string in the middle! In other words, tell a fucking friend!
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