Black Ink Crew - SEASON 2 - Episode 5 - The Year of PUMA! - Review - Recap!
Vh1's Reality TV show about walking STD's. "Black Ink Crew, or Black Stink! The soap opera without the soap!" As I affectionately call the show. Is back with it's 5th episode of the 2nd season. Let's get into it!
The show starts off with Dutchess and Ceaser at the park, and they're talking about Dutchess's conversation with Sassy. And to no ones surprise, Dutchess is still pissed at snaggle tooth Sass! Poor baby! She also breaks the news to Cesare about PUMA opening his own tattoo shop with Sassy.
Dutchess says that she thinks that PUMA had this idea for a long time now. Because of Ceaser keeping Puma out of the loop about certain things that are going on and only letting him have so much power and or information. In other words.
Ceaser minds certain business himself and delegates orders the way that he believes are best for his business. And a part time fuck up like Puma isn't privileged to all unfiltered information. And I see nothing wrong with that! I don't give Ceaser much credit. But I am with him on this one!
In the next scene Puma is in Harlem New York, at an awards ceremony, at the Bleu Violin! He is there because he's receiving the Harlem Rising Award from Vibe Magazine.
O'shit and Walt are there to show their support. As well as Teddy, PUMA's mother and his infant daughter. Teddy lets PUMA know that he doesn't want to be a part of the unnecessary drama that's going on with the Black Ink Crew at the shop. And that he wants to stay neutral. We'll see how long that lasts! Teddy is such a sneaky little softy! Anyway....
Sassy arrives and lets Teddy know that Dutchess is playing the blame game and putting the rumors about Ted smashing Sassy on him!
But enough of that foolishness. It's award time!
While Puma is on stage accepting his award, he announces that he is opening a tattoo shop, and boutique on 124th street, and it will be named INK124! So much originality! At least it's simple and easy to remember! That's always good for business!
Teddy feels that Puma is playing unfair with his announcement. And feels that Puma should have told Ceaser about it first, as opposed to announcing it to the world at an awards ceremony! He refers to it as a "bitch move". Then proceeds to act like a little bitch himself and either calls or text messages Ceaser . Like a chick! (How you doin?)
I see why Ted gets so much attention from so many women now. He is effeminate in his own little sissified ways. And then, the guys that he is around are so ugly that plastic surgery couldn't repair the damage. You couple that with the drama that these drama Kings have around them. And Ted, appears to be a "good" catch. Even if his only interest is to stomp the grape juice out of every ripe fruit in sight!
Anyway!
Puma states that Cesare may have made the biggest mistake by kicking him out of Black Ink. And that you, "may not see this on that Chinese Zodiac, but it is the year of the puma." I agree!
{Back at the shop}
O'shit and Ceaser are talking about shit going back to jail. It's about to be shit's birthday and they decide to have a pool party to celebrate the special day, that his mother took that shit. I mean birthed him!
Walt wants to make sure that there's lots of good looking women! there. HELL YEAH!
On a side note. Why not bring a guy named "Shit" to a toilet to swim? Just my observation!
After a commercial break.
Where back at the shop, Walt, Ceaser and Dutchess are outside talking. And a famous rapper named Jadakiss is stopping by. He wants to get "Loyalty" tattooed on his forearm or shoulder.
They go into the shop and, and before Jadakiss can get his Loyalty tattoo, he states that he wants to get "family"tattooed on his body next! But forget about the drawn on scars that he is about to receive. Jadakiss has to put that bald head of his to work and play the role of Dr. Phil for Ceaser!
Cesare starts crying to Jadakiss about Puma opening up his shop!
Jadakiss lets Ceaser know that he needs to be cool about the situation and talk with Puma like an adult.
Ceaser doesn't tell Jadakiss to his face what he thinks. He instead waits until it's confessional time and states that, he feels that Jadakiss's tattoo, makes him a hypocrite! Because he must be facing loyalty issues himself if he's getting that tattooed on his arm! And he further states that if it was Jadakiss in his situation, he'd be talking that street shit, that he talks on his songs!
Wow, Ceaser is looking for Jadakiss to pump him up, to get the balls to confront Puma. WOW!
In the next scene. Teddy and Ceaser are talking. And Teddy Bear is doing his gossip girl thang!- {In my best gay man impression} YAASSS! How you doin?!)
Ted claims that Dutchess is basically running the Black Ink shop at this point.
Ceaser defends Dutchess's dishonor as opposed to honr. And claims that the bank accounts have tripled since she began playing the role of an evil dictator!
Now, here is the scene that everyone has been waiting for!
Dutchess is with Cesare at her shop. Discussing the things that Teddy Bear sweety foot was saying about her! Dutchess claims that, Ted just wants to bring this nonsense to Cesare because, he she is cutting the coat tails that Ted is riding.
Ceaser and his powerful nasty looking lips aint buying what she is selling!
Cesare is beginning to see the big picture, finally! He finally see's that her attitude sucks really badly. And that he may need to finally grow a pair and grow some hair! Put your damn foot down Ceaser ! You can do it! Just don't be alone when you talk to her about it! She can claim you hit her and press a domestic violence charge against you!I don't trust the bitch, and you shouldn't either!
After another commercial break.
Alexandra Estevez, Dice, Walt and Puma are on Dices roof, grilling and having a nice quaint little Bar B -Q. And Alexandra is working the grill and working her little dress. Looking ultra cute! Anyway.
Walt feels that puma and Ceaser need to talk with each other, without Dutchess being present. Puma feels that Ceaser wasn't loyal to him. And doesn't give him the credit that he deserves. Puma actually played a big part in building the business. Puma's business accomplishments go as follows! Puma hired notorious fuck up, O'shit and even hired Mr. I rather get my nails did than work, aka Walt!
Not a very good resume Puma!
Nasty, I mean Sassy! Shows up with some Hennessy. Alex asks if they are all there, then who is running the shop! LMAO! Obviously, the producers, the writers, or someone behind the scenes told her to say that. They got another cute little shot of her when she said that feed line! So I'm good! Sassy says that Dutchess wanted Black Ink for her and Cesare. And her wish is coming true.
Anyway...
Back at the shop
Sky is about to visit Black Ink! She is the Hood rat, Whoranado, yes not, tornado but whorenado. That one that came to that one party that they hand mouths ago, and got into like 6 or 7 fights! When she arrives, she asks about Alexandra. and says she should have been fired a long time ago! And I'm thinking, nah, chick! You should have been kicked out of the party! This chick is a fucking mess! And now that she has officially called out my girl Alexandra. I have nothing nice to say about her, even if she is cute. So what? Anyway, O'shit decides to invite her to the party! We'll get to that in a minute!
Sky's mother, who arrived with her is the one with the tattoo appointment. Hitler, I mean tattoo artist Dutchess, will be drawing scars on Sky's mother.
Sky in the meantime sits down next to Teddy. Teddy and Sky are going to have drinks and go fuck! She is so thirsty for the dick, that she even pulled out condoms, and played with them! No shame! whatsoever!
After another commercial break.
Tyshawn Taylor of the Brooklyn Nets comes to Black Ink to be tattooed by O'shit. He's getting a huge tattoo on his side, with a portrait of himself as an angel, with praying hands. And the words, "I forgive those that trespass against me". Which symbolizes him forgiving the people who have done him wrong.
Cesare babysits, I mean double checks to make sure that O'shit drew the praying hands correctly. After placing his own third dimensional hands together he realizes that the way that Shit drew his skid marks. The Angel appears to have a 6th knuckle on his hand! With a quick fix, Shit, get's his shit together!
Okay, now that we got those two nasty lip having mother fuckers out of the way! We are at the bar! With Teddy and Sky. Teddy is concerned with sky fighting with his other women. Sky puts off his negative judgment on Alexandra Esteveez!
Talk about deflection! How dare you say anything bad about my Alexandra? Yeah Sky, I hope that this is your last appearance on Black Stink! I absolutely positively adore Alexandra! I am not even into tattoos. But, she does have a Wu Tang Clan, Hello Kitty tattoo, so it's meant to be! <3
You need to be concerned with exercise! You're the same chick who likes show her mid drift. And you're shaped like a rectangle! There's hand models, booty models and then theirs chicks like Sky! A sheet model! Because you're shaped like a pissy mattress! Ooooh! If you come back on this show, I'm gonna go in! CURFEW! I'm going in!
Anyway! Sky asks Teddy about what his problem with women is. And Powder Paw, I mean Teddy says that its 2013 and men and women are pieces of shit, so instead of him getting hurt, he rather fuck everything in sight! Not exactly how he worded it, but that's the gist of it!
She assures him that the situation is strictly sexual. Uh, after pulling out condoms in the tattoo shop, I'd think so. She further states that she isn't looking for love or a relationship, just like him!
Sounds like a match made in Planned Parenthood! Maybe they'll have their wedding at a gay parade! They both give me the Bi-lingual vibe! Like they speak 2 languages. If you know what I mean. How you doin? Teddy! How you doin?
She proceeds to slip off the panties and give them to him. Right there at the bar! And lets him know that she is going to the bathroom. And it looks like he may have gone to go pull a smelly Kelly! Nothing like a piss and a penetration! Especially on her menstruation! Poke a dot, never goes out of style!
Anyway, after a commercial break.
We finally get to see the pool party scene. It's O'shits birthday so, with a name like that he is a magnet for fucked up situations! O'shit. Sky, Sassy, Puma, Walt, and Teddy are all attending the festivities at what appears to be a community pool.
Teddy doesn't come alone of course! He brings one of the women from his Harem, a cute Latina named Ashley! While he is sitting there with jump off Ashley, another girl, another pretty jump off named India, jumps up onto Teddy Claus's lap.
And she comes with gifts! Seriously, I'm unwrapping her bathing suit with my eyes. This guy has an impressive stable of whorses, with a "W". These thoroughbreds are nice in the looks department. They have giant assets, with no morals, no virtues, and these mental midgets are 1 nighters at best!
Dutchess and Ceaser walk in and they aren't looking for drama with Puma and Sassy so, they go to sit down away from them and enjoying themselves instead of interacting with everybody else. Fucking party poopers!
Sky walks up on teddy and his 2 other women and Sky is not feelings this situation! Sky begins arguing with India and then India begins arguing with Ashley too. This is a whoracaust! A whore Holocaust! I am waiting for Hitler to start snatching hair helmets!
Sky is actually trying to walk away today. Probably because she isn't drunk enough to fight. India confronts Sky and demands to know who the hell that she is! And they begin pointing at each other like two crazy women! Sky pushes her and they almost start fighting! Security rushed over their and tore these two nasty scabs apart before they could bleed on each other!
They were about to start ripping each others hair helmets off for real! We were about to see a bunch of bald headed women running around, looking like a marathon to raise money for cancer!
Dutchess and Ceaser are enjoying the animal show! Dutchess is calling them a Baboons and a Hyena! These two lazy lipped walking STD's went on to even make animal sounds and pretend that they were watching the nature channel!
Really? You Ceaser? And you Dutchess? And to that I say!
Dutchess needs to find an empty movie theater, and play music chairs with herself, because she needs to take a seat pronto! The way your nasty cliff hanging lipped ass was going after my boo thing Alexandra! You're the last apocalypse looking horse that needs to talk! You seriously look like something that death rode in on! You Jamaican Hitler looking, freezer burned lip ass psychopathic, dictating bitch!
Anyway...
After this push, that nearly started fighting. Ted exported India like an American job. I mean, got his Beyonce on and kicked the bitch out of the group! Then, O'shit jumped in the pool. And people moved out of the way! What else do you do when you see shit in the pool?
Anyway, Sassy pushed Walt into the pool, yada yada yada. Too bad Tiffany Winter wasn't there! Now I'd love to see her in a bathing suit! A bikini! Some lingerie!
Anyway! Walt said that sometimes family fights, yada yada yada. In other words. These nasty lipped bastards just might become friends again. Like they say. "With friends like these, who needs enemies?"
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