Dancing With The Stars - season 17 -Episode 2 - Latin night! - RECAP and Review!

Dancing With The Stars - season 17 -Episode 2 -  Latin night! - RECAP and Review!

First up tonight is Elizabeth!

Elizabeth Berkley Lauren & Valentin Chmerkovskiy danced a Samba to the song “Straight to Memphis” by Club des Belugas

Elizabeth really showed her dancing skills. She looked like a semi professional! She deserved a 27 in my opinion. And received a score of 25. With an 8 from Carrie Ann, a 9 from Len and an 8 from Bruno.





 Second up is Christina!


Christina Milian & Mark Ballas danced a Paso Doble to the song “Applause” by Lady Gaga


They had told 3 - 4 times by the host, to hit the floor!
Their routine looked slightly choppy, and in need of a little bit more practice. I felt that they deserved a 23 and they received a score of 25.

Carrie Ann gave her a 9. And both Len and Bruno gave her an 8.


3rd up is Bill Engvall.

Bill Engvall & Emma Slater danced a Jive to the song “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John

And it looked like an off beat comedy routine from a movie. It looked a bit off. It wasn't Bill Nye or Andy Dick bad. But it deserved a 19 or 20. He received a score of 21.


 4th is Jack.

Jack Osbourne & Cheryl Burke danced a Rumba to the song “Mad World” by Tears for Fears

Jack made a self loathing statement to his dancing partner so bad that you'd thinkt hat it was an insulting youtube comment! He said that he has the worst Genetics in his family. He's fat, has beart problems, Multiple Sclerosis, can't fucking sing, can't act and can barely dance.

Well Jack. What the fuck are you doing on Dancing With The Stars? You wouldn't even bee famous if it weren't for your father. And has fat and awkward as you know that you are, if you didn't have a rich famous daddy, you'd probably be in a ditch somewhere. So suck it up and dance, or go the fuck home!

Anyway, I feel that Jack tries way to hard when he is dancing. It looks about as unnatural as a hobo shitting diamonds! He really looks out of place. I mean at one point he attempts to do a split that looked more like a spill! But at least he did better than last week!

I'd give him a score of 17! The judges however gave jack a 24! Multiple Sclerosis? More like multiple Sclervotesis!


5th is Keyshawn.

Keyshawn Johnson & Sharna Burgess danced a Samba to the song “Get Up Offa That Thing” by James Brown

The best way that I can describe Keyshawn's dancing is. If a bear went Ice Skating.... Or, how about this, you walk in your bath room, and theirs a whale in your bath tub!. That's Keyshawn dancing! Well anyway... It sucked but, could have been worst! And it's not that he can't dance. I could see the potential with a bit of practice. It's just, he is too damn big to be dancing. He deserved about a 20. But the judges gave him a score of 18. Might have been the fact that he nearly dropped his partner at one point.


 6th is Nicole!

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi & Sasha Farber danced a Rumba to the song “Just Give Me a Reason” by P!nk Ft. Nate Ruess

 Her performance looked like this. So, you find a bottle, you rub it, a Genie pops out, and starts stripping gracefully and elegantly! Yeah, no shit!

The best part of it all was the "Bitch please" look that she gave to that full of shit Carrie Ann! Snookie did good, but that crazy judge, gave her a 6!

I felt that Snookie deserved a 23 or a 24. But the judges only gave her a 20!
They insulted her with a 6 from Carrie Ann, a 7 from Len and a 7 from Bruno!
They should all be fired. Beginning with Carrie Ann Inaba!





7th is my wonderful, beloved Leah Remini.



 Leah Remini & Tony Dovolani danced a Samba to the song “Maria” by Ricky Martin


 And her dancing tonight was a bit robotic. It was pretty good but, she was as stiff as a dick! She looked like it hurts! Either the dancing is making her body sore, or her husband did to her what I've been wanting to do for years!
Yup! Dress in a bear costume, lather her with honey, and attack!

Anyway, I felt that she should get a 21, but the judges saw something that I didn't see and gave her a 24. Sorry Leah, you just weren't you on the second night!


8th up is Bill Nye the pervert guy!

Bill Nye & Tyne Stecklein danced a Paso Doble to the song Beethoven’s 5th Symphony

And Bill came out with his role playing wig! He was Pervertstein! The mad scientist! If Frankenstein did an adult film, it would look like this! Bill could make eating cereal look disgusting and quadruple X rated!

 He deserved a 15, but the judges gave him a score of 17. Carrie Ann gave him a 6, Len gave him a 5 and Bruno gave him a 5 as well.

Their for, in Carrie Ann's warped mind, Bill Nye and Queen Snookie Snook are tied in their ability to dance? Fire her please!


9th up is Corbin!
Corbin Bleu & Karina Smirnoff danced a Jive to the song “Kiss You” by One Direction

 Corbin comes out dressed as a Baseball player, And Karina comes out looking like a sexy school teacher or librarian or something! I can assure you that a bunch more female teaches will end up in the news having fooled around with their male students after seeing this shit!

Thier dance was freaking impeccable! The moves that this guy pulled of were nothing short of professional! He totally kept up with Karina and they amazed me and entertained me. They deserved a 30! A perfect score!

The hopefully soon to be unemployed judges gave him a score of 26 instead. 
Carrie Ann and Bruno gave Corbin 9's. And that was somewhat insulting. But then that incompetent Len decides to give him an 8! Where do they come up with these scores? I feel like sometimes they just pick any number pad randomly!

10th up is Valerie Harper. The person who should be voted out tonight!

Valerie Harper & Tristan MacManus  danced a Paso Doble to the song “Don’t Let Me Be
Misunderstood” by Santa Esmeralda

 Valerie was fucking terrible! She sucked Sasquatch dick! I mean, she was fucking horrifically bad! She deserved a 10. And that's being generous! And I thought no one could be worst than D.L. Hughley!


11th up is Brant.

Brant Daugherty & Peta Murgatroyd  danced a Rumba to the song “Underneath Your Clothes” by Shakira

 Brant didn't do much work with this one. He kind of stood there for the most part.

He did okay with what little bit he did do. So I give the male blow up doll an 18! The judges gave him a 23. Yet another inflated score! 8 From Carrie Ann, 7 from Len and 8 from Bruno.

The 12th and final dance of the night is by Amber!
 
Amber Riley & Derek Hough danced a Jive to the song “Reet Petite” — Jackie Wilson

And this submarine in shoes got on that floor and did a cart wheel! Yes a food cart wheel! It was fattastic, I mean fantastic! And she even leaned back so far that you'd think their was food on the floor behind her!

All jokes aside, she slaughtered the dance floor. The only reason I don't think that she deserved 10's is because Corbin's performance was more difficult to do. So, I gave him 10's and her 9's for a total of 27 points! Now, lets see where the judges heads are at.

They gave her a score of 24? What the fuck! She did all of that and got a 24?
Jack Osbourne and Leah Remini can't do the shit that I saw her do, and she gets the same score as them? Now that's sinful!


After all of that, Keyshawn Johnson was eliminated! What a pathetic show! Valerie or Bill Nye should have gone first.

This show has zero integrity and I think that this is my last season! I watch the season that Zendaya Coleman was robbed (season 16) and now this one I see the same shifty shit going on!